Family man Tom Baker (Steve Martin) takes his large family for a longtime country home in Lake Winnetka, Wisconsin releasing it might be the last time the group of them gets to spend this kind of time together as a single unit. While there he resumes his rivalry with former summer camp nemesis Jimmy Murtaugh (Eugene Levy), the two grown men making massive adolescent fools of themselves.

CRITIQUE

The simple truth is that I have no energy or wish to write a new review for Cheaper by the Dozen 2. While I admit to trying to watch this Blu-ray of the movie, after a good 15-20 minutes I just couldn’t take it anymore and went off and did something else. Additionally, I also attempted to listen to director Adam Shankman’s audio commentary, but while I love the guy on “So You Think You Can Dance” listening to him wax poetic about this movie was about as awesome as listening to nails run down a chalk board.

So I am admitting upfront to not watching this Blu-ray from start to finish as well as not being remotely interested in the special features. With that out of the way, I bring you a reprint of my December 21, 2005 theatrical review as everything I had worth saying I already said in it. Enjoy.

“What, you thought they were going to kill off Steve Martin? The original sequel to 1950’s Cheaper by the Dozen did just that, family patriarch Clifton Webb taking a dirt nap at the start of 1952’s Belles on Their Toes leaving matriarch Jeanne Crain entirely on her own. But whereas the surprise 2003 smash hit remake held little resemblance to its much quieter, and far less frantic, original, the 2005 sequel lazily titled Cheaper by the Dozen 2 holds even less. Still, surprise surprise it is nowhere near as turgidly awful as its predecessor, a couple laughs here and there and a strong showing by a veteran SCTV funnyman making the whole thing almost palatable.

I did say almost. As comedies and sequels go, this one still isn’t any good. The writing by screenwriter Sam Harper is astonishingly limp, going to places even a bad NBC sitcom would be afraid to tread. Martin returns as a very much alive Tom Baker, and with members of his voluminous clan starting to reach the age where they’d rather stay away from family gatherings and go out on their own, Dad packs his twelve up and takes them to the longtime family vacation home in Lake Winnetka, Wisconsin. Most, including now-pregnant Nora (Piper Perabo), recent graduate Lorraine (Hilary Duff) and eldest boy Charlie (Tom Welling), would rather not go, but Tom has a way of getting them there, sure the experience of a last get-together will be a memory they’ll cherish forever.

Needless to say, complications ensue, and quite honestly most of them are not even remotely funny. You see, Tom’s next door neighbor at the lake Jimmy Murtaugh (Eugene Levy) has managed to get Mr. Baker’s goat seemingly since the beginning of time, or at least since the clan bought their summer home on the lake. Now the battle of wills between the feuding fathers comes to a boil, each man’s family only able to stand back in disgusted embarrassment.

What happens next was apparent even to the six-year-old kid sitting next to me at the screening. She proudly proclaimed in quiet whispers that her mom shouldn’t worry; they’d all be happy by the end and would stop yelling at one another. To say whether she was right or not would spoil the surprise; spoil it, that is, if there actually was one. Cheaper by the Dozen 2 has none, not a single solitary one, and if you’ve seen the overly-frantic trailers or commercials then you know everything you need to know about this movie from beginning to end. 

Still, director Adam Shankman (The Pacifier) shows some restraint, reeling the hysterics down a tick or two from the first and actually tries to generate some familial warmth this time around. It helps, of course, that Martin and Bonnie Hunt (reprising her role as Kate ‘Mom’ Baker) have truly wondrous chemistry, making even the most over-the-top and annoyingly frenzied moments come across as borderline sweet and innocent. Better, Levy almost single-handedly, much like in his and Martin’s earlier collaboration Bringing Down the House, rescues the picture from mediocrity, stopping the show cold for two particularly funny bits that actually made me laugh out loud.

But that’s about it. Harper’s script really is bad, thin and contrived and reveling in the kind of rote sentimentality not even Hallmark trades in anymore. Worse, the Baker family is like a pack of overly-caffeinated hyenas, picking and clawing at one another as if they were devouring a carcass out on the hot African Savanna. Duff, in particular, is starting to wear out her welcome with me, her high-pitched whining enough to make me wonder why I ever thought the little blonde fireball was charming in the first place.

Still, that six-year-old was entertained, and if that’s all a person is looking for I guess they could do a heck of a lot worse. Don’t take that as a recommendation, far from it actually, it’s more of a benign statement, a realization that some films don’t operate on any other level than that of a 90-minute babysitter. Not a happy thought, but not one that’s going to turn the world on its ear, and with Cheaper by the Dozen 2it’s clear Martin could care less about shattering the status quo (where are you the man behind The Jerk, The Man with Two Brains and Bowfinger?) ever again.”

THE VIDEO

Cheaper by the Dozen 2 is presented in 2.35:1/1080p. It's a better transfer than the movie deserves. At least, the first 20 minutes showcase a better transfer than this movie deserves; I can’t speak for any of it after that point.

THE AUDIO

Available audio tracks include English 5.1 DTS-HD Master Audio, Spanish 5.1 Dolby Digital and French 5.1 Dolby Digital tracks with optional English SDH and Spanish subtitles.

THE EXTRAS

Extras include the already easygoing Audio Commentary with Director Adam Shankman as well as three relatively forgettable featurettes, Fox Movie Channel Presents CASTING SESSIONS, Camp Chaos and A Comedic Trio. The Blu-ray also comes with a collection of 20th Century Fox Theatrical Trailers.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I’m reasonably sure kids are going to like Cheaper by the Dozen 2 for the most part. As for me, I couldn’t watch any more than the first 20 minutes of it even though I hadn’t seen the movie since December of 2005. It doesn’t do it for me, and as far as family entertainment goes I think all of you can do much, much better than picking this one up for either rental or purchase.