Genetically engineered and trained from birth to be an assassin, Agent 47 (Timothy Olyphant) is the best at what he does. Hired to assassinate embattled Russian president Mikhail Belicoff (Ulrich Thomsen), 47 takes his target down with a headshot, but the following day Belicoff appears on Russian television, vowing to continue his fight for change in his country.

47 is then dispatched to kill Nika (Olga Kurylenko), Belicoff’s mistress, who is believed to be the only witness to the shooting. But after realizing he’s been set up and that his fellow agents are now gunning for him, 47 determines to both find the parties responsible and complete his appointed task.

CRITIQUE

I haven’t seen too many entries in the video game-turned-movie genre (I could count them on both hands and still have plenty of fingers left over), but I do know that it’s best to go into them with lowered expectations. But when it comes to Hitman, I could have lowered my expectations to crush depth and still come away extremely disappointed. I could take the easy way out and liken this movie to one of Uwe Boll’s cinematic game-to-movie travesties, but that would be unfair to the good Dr. Boll.

I am almost totally unfamiliar with the popular video game series on which this movie is based, but I’ve been told that the Agent 47 of the games is a shrewd, singularly effective killer, one who makes James Bond look like a little boy who’s found his father’s gun. As portrayed in the movie, however, 47 is just another grimacing lummox who shoots people. Gee, haven’t seen one of those in, oh, about fifteen or twenty minutes.

Furthermore, unlike Bond or Jason Bourne (whose adventures quite obviously inspired Hitman’s plot), he doesn’t seem to have achieved his station in life through his own resourcefulness or skills. No, this guy is an effective killer simply because his targets are exceedingly stupid; they’re constantly standing right in front of him, turning their backs on him, or leaving him in unguarded vehicles. Hell, I’ve rarely killed anything larger than a wasp, but I’m pretty sure even I could do this guy’s job.

Hitman appears to be aimed at undiscriminating ten-year-old boys, which is odd because they’re too young to see it. The hit performed by 47 that serves as the jumping-off point for the plot is witnessed by more than a hundred people and is captured by at least one news crew, yet we’re expected to believe that the people who ordered the hit could doctor the footage and convince the rest of the world that the hit was botched. We actually see the man being shot in the head, the impact leaving behind what resembles a pile of raspberry Jell-O.  Next thing you know he shows up on television, a Band-Aid covering what appears to be nothing more than a flesh wound, telling the world the bullet only grazed his head. Uh-huh.

But very little in writer Skip Woods’s script really makes any sense. (Woods also wrote Swordfish, and I think we all remember the only thing--or things--that made that movie worth watching.) Unidentified characters constantly wander in and out of the plot. Gunrunners are stupid enough to leave full magazines lying around while showing there wares to prospective clients (has nobody seen The Terminator?). Entire floors of hotels explode, yet none of the guests seem to notice. A Russian cathedral is torn to bits by a Hind helicopter, yet no one seems to notice. And at the end we’re supposed to believe that 47 had everything planned out from the beginning, which means he’s omniscient enough to find his way out of the plot to end his life, but too stupid to stop it before it begins. Allow to me to repeat myself: Uh-huh.

Movies such as this generally live or die by their style, and Hitman is completely devoid of style. Debuting director Xavier Gens has no eye of his own, so he attempts to make up for it by ripping off better movies. At least half of John Woo’s Hong Kong output is cribbed from here, and there are also shameless lifts from Die Hard and Scarface. xXx is also referenced on a number of occasions, and while I freely admit to enjoying that movie far more than I probably should, I can’t really say I want other movies to follow its example.

Additionally, Gens was reportedly fired from the project after delivering his first cut; re-shoots were handled by an unnamed party, making it hard to determine exactly who shot what. But the entire movie is awful, so I have no problem excoriating Gens for any of what ended up on the screen, and that includes Olyphant’s in-it-for-the-money performance.) And it’s all assembled in a predictably paint-by-numbers fashion, with the action sequences proving to be unimaginably dull.

As I said, I wasn’t expecting the movie to be good, but at the same time I wasn’t expecting it be this damned boring or this damned worthless.

THE VIDEO

The 2.35:1 transfer is uneven. The color palette is dominated by grays, browns, and sickly greens, which, all things considered, look pretty good. The only really vivid bits of color come from 47’s signature red tie and the occasional spurt of blood, which are also nicely rendered. But contrast is overcooked in many scenes, which tends to flatten the image, and excessive digital noise becomes a huge distraction in a number of shots.

The biggest flaw by far is softness in the image; some of this is undoubtedly a stylistic choice, but many times it’s obviously not, as the degree of softness can vary greatly between shots in any given scene, with some appearing crystal clear and others looking as if the lens had been smeared with Vaseline.

THE AUDIO

The lossless DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 track doesn’t offer as much sonic mayhem as you might expect. The mix is incredibly active during the action scenes, with the entire soundstage brimming with gunfire, explosions, etc., but the track collapses in on itself when the action stops. Bass here is very, very deep, pushing about as low as is possible without cracking your home’s foundation.

Dialogue generally sounds fine, although it’s easy to spot lines that were rerecorded in post. (The person--or persons--responsible for mixing the dialogue didn’t bother to sync several of the lines, which I’ve been told was also evident during theatrical screenings.) A Spanish Dolby Digital 5.1 track is also included. English, Spanish, French, Chinese, and Korean subtitles are available.

THE EXTRAS

In the Crosshairs (25 minutes) is a standard making-of featurette. Gens, Woods, and Olyphant sit down for interviews, and there’s a fair amount of behind-the-scenes footage. Given that all of this material was assembled long before the post-production troubles began, everyone involve does their best to sell the movie.   

Digital Hits (10 minutes) traces the history of the video game series and offers interviews with several of the developers.

Instruments of Destruction (15 minutes) is a series of mini-featurettes featuring Christopher Maratier, the movie’s weapons supervisor, who discusses some of the firearms employed in Hitman.

Settling the Score (5 minutes) is an interview with composer Geoff Zanelli.

Five deleted scenes (6 minutes) are also included. Four are simply extraneous bits excised from scenes that made the final cut, but the last is an alternate ending (which is darker than the one featured in the movie, but just as obvious).  

A gag reel (5 minutes) offers up the expected clips of the cast screwing up their lines, etc.

This release also contains a digital copy of the movie on a second disc. This standard-def version can be loaded onto your PC and then transferred to a portable media device (such as an iPod, etc.). If you’re so inclined, just insert the disc and follow the simple step-by-step instructions.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Had I not been watching it for the purposes of this review, I undoubtedly would have shut Hitman off after about thirty minutes or so. But I suffered through the whole damn thing, which is why I can say there’s absolutely no reason for you to do the same.