The galaxy is in peril, and only crackerjack starpilot Stella Star (Caroline Munro) can save it from annihilation! Along with her alien compatriot and navigator Akton (Marjoe Gortner), and aided by cowboy robotic law enforcement officer Elle (Judd Hamilton), the trio will race through the stars in hopes of the evil Count Zarth Arn (Joe Spinell) from total domination, hopefully finding the whereabouts of The Emperor’s (Christopher Plummer) missing son Simon (David Hasselhoff) in the process.

CRITIQUE

Italian director Luigi Cozzi’s (billed here as Lewis Coates) unintentionally hilarious and unbelievably horrible (but in a good way) Star Wars meets Jason and the Argonauts rip-off Starcrash is so much fun I almost don’t even know where to start. The movie blatantly makes little sense, could care less about the laws of physics, appears to be making up its narrative as it goes along and apparently is perfectly content with the fact that its heroes are basically embracing intergalactic Imperialism because the alternative as presented by baddie Count Zarth Arn is for no particular reason whatsoever much, much, much worse.

You’ve got the requisite crazy jump to hyperspace, a randomly chaotic prison break, Amazonian gladiators on horseback, a psychic sidekick who doesn’t reveal his powers until long after they could have actually helped, David Hasselhoff swinging a lightsaber, Christopher Plummer getting regally ethereal and former Bond babe (she’s a long way from The Spy Who Loved Me) Caroline Munro walking through almost the entire flick clad in a black, S&M inspired bikini. There is a gigantic metal warrior that looks a heck of a lot like a similar creation Jason fought on his way to getting Golden Fleece, a pair of robotic warriors who behave like their the demonic clones of Laurel and Hardy and a climactic finale in which visually nothing makes a single lick of sense. There’s a rousing, completely out of place score by legendary composer John Barry (which to my ear sounds a lot like his ones for Moonraker and The Black Hole), while the sets, costumes and effects are so second rate they border on the spectacular.

In short, for fans of iconic B-grade science fiction Starcrash is an absolute must. A entire drinking game could be played where the participants try and find all the places with Cozzi and company steal (a kinder why to say it would be to call what they do an homage, but the thefts are so giddily blatant I’m not entirely sure I want to be that nice) from other sci-fi and fantasy films made in the three decades before this one. There are so many of them it’s impossible to list them all here. Besides, a great majority of the fun is discovering them all for oneself, and with that in mind I’m not going to spoil it for any potential viewers by doing so here.

Yes Starcrash is terrible. If taken seriously, this is a definite waste of time I couldn’t possibly recommend to anyone. But why take it seriously? I can’t imagine we’re supposed to (and listening to an included interview with Cozzi he apparently knew most people wouldn’t the entire time he was making the film), and even if a person tried the finished product is so insanely, beautifully and magnificently inferior on so many levels the attempt wouldn’t last very long. Just sit back and enjoy all the idiocy, lord knows that’s exactly what I did and I admit to having an outright blast.

THE VIDEO

Starcrash is presented in a sparkling 1.78:1/1080p and MPEG-4 AVC-encoded transfer that took me somewhat by surprise. While Shout! Factory has done a pretty darn great job on these Roger Corman releases, it’s not like the print quality they’ve been starting with has been all that extraordinary. These are ultra low budget films shot as cheaply as possible, and thus one can’t expect hi-def perfection.

But the job they’ve done on Starcrash is really quite remarkable, and while the image doesn’t quite belie its B-movie roots it manages to come pretty darn close to doing so all the same. On the flipside (and I’m not entirely sure this is a negative, in fact I’m almost sure it isn’t) the sharper resolution makes the hysterically awful special effects look worse than ever, the Ray Harryhausen-esque stop-motion moments in particular.

THE AUDIO

The film is presented in English DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 and English 2.0 Stereo. There are no subtitles. John Barry’s score and the cacophony of sound effects can sometimes be a bit overpowering, drowning out the dialogue on several occasions.

THE EXTRAS

The Blu-ray’s extras (all in HD) include:

·    Two audio commentaries by writer and Starcrash expert Stephen Romano (One: Making of the Film - in 1970's fantastic cinema, Two: Scene by Scene, Production Trivia, Anecdotes and Critical Analysis) – I didn’t particularly care for either of these. While Romano’s enthusiasm is palpable (he’s seen the film an admitted 500 times!), both his commentary tracks are rather dry and lifeless. In all honesty, I couldn’t make through either of them all the way to the end.

·    New Interview With Writer/Director Luigi Cozzi – This 41-minute extra is the true highlight here, everything you ever wanted to know about Starcrash (and in many cases Italian underground cinema) up for discussion. A real treat and an extra that is very easy to enjoy.

·    Starcrash: The Music of John Barry (commentary by Mars of Deadhouse Music) – Not too bad, but not all that awesome, either. I doubt I’d ever watch it again, that’s for sure.

·    Extensive Stills Galleries including Behind-The-Scenes Photos, Posters, Stills, Original Production Art And Storyboards

·    Trailers: Theatrical (lone or optional Joe Dante OR Eli Roth commentary) French theatrical and U.S. TV and radio spots – The commentary tracks on the domestic theatrical trailer are absolute musts to listen to, especially Dante’s.

The DVD extras include:

• New Interview With Actress Caroline Munro Discussing Her Time As Stella Star And A Look At Her Career – Another fantastic extra, this 72 minute interview with the still looking awesome actress a real treat.
• A Look At The Film’s Special Effects With Special Effects Director Armando Valcauda – Definitely worth a look, but not a featurette I’d probably ever return to.
• 17 Deleted Scenes (from the 5-minute longer 'director's cut' - shown in Europe) – Over 36 minutes of deleted and extended scenes all with textual commentary as to why they were taken out by Roger Corman for the film’s domestic release.
• Behind the Scenes Footage with commentary – Almost 20 minutes of more footage, if stomaching more footage is actually possible by the time a viewer actually gets to this point in the special features.
• Screenplay in PDF format – Okay, I admit it, I actually downloaded this. I wanted to see if the script was truly as silly and as unintentionally hilarious as the finished product. It was. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

Starcrash is a piece of Italian B-movie sci-fi cinema that’s so unabashedly awful it’s actually pretty darn spectacular. For fans of this sort of thing, Shout! Factory’s Blu-ray is absolute aces. It’s at the very least worthy of a rental, and as hysterically horrible as it proves to be I’m not even close to being ashamed to admit just how happy I am that this film has found its way into my personal library.