Stories crisscross, collide and boomerang in this look at a day in the life of love. There's a proposal. Flowers that didn't get sent. A big fat secret that's finally told. The "I'll show up and surprise him" that ended up surprising her. Fights, kisses, wrong turns, right moves and more.

CRITIQUE

This Garry Marshall production, the easygoing director behind Beaches, Pretty Woman and The Princess Diaries, feels a bit like a movie cnceived inside a corporate board room and not at the tip of screenwriter Katherine Fugate’s (The Prince & Me) pen. I got the feeling while watching it that New Line Cinema focused group the crap out of it, anything not receiving universal affirmation excised in order to make room for new scenes that didn’t tax a viewer’s noggin.

The funny thing is, thanks to a cast made up of heavyweight all-stars like Julia Roberts, Anne Hathaway, Shirley MacLaine, Jamie Foxx, Queen Latifah, Hector Elizondo, Kathy Bates and Jennifer Garner the movie is hardly a lost cause. Even better, unlike so many other romantic comedies this is one of the few of late that doesn’t actively hate women (like say the odious When in Rome or last year’s detestable Bride Wars), the movie having a genteel, lightly effervescent quality that’s oftentimes charming.

But even at just about two hours the darn thing is still far too long with entire subplots that add up to nothing. More or less revolving around a single Los Angeles flower shop trying to survive the Valentine’s holiday owned by a surprisingly delightful Ashton Kutcher, many of the tangential vignettes are shockingly close to pointless, particularly one featuring teenage lovebirds Taylors Swift and Lautner. Their romance is borderline embarrassing, neither youngster a strong enough actor to make their idiotic ramblings feel like anything other than an excuse to get a pair of pubescent pretty faces into the production on the premise teenage girls might be more likely to buy some tickets.

It doesn’t help that Marshall has lost any and all ability to pace his films. For those that thought his last couple features dragged (Georgia Rule and The Princess Diaries 2) they’re nothing compared to this. The tissue connecting one story to the next is stretched out to interminable lengths, and even when a piece works marvelously (like Roberts and Bradley Cooper making light conversation on an airplane or MacLaine and Elizondo confessing their gorgeously messy eternal love in a crowded cemetery) at times getting to those scenes is like wading through quick drying cement.

I have numerous other problems (like why the story’s estranged gay couple never kiss during reconciliation or why Jessica Alba sticks around to walk her dog and check into a hotel after she decides to avoid commitment) all of which do their part to make the movie a gigantic missed opportunity. Yet there is still enough here that works to make me wonder if I’m being a tiny bit dismissive. Hathaway has sublime chemistry with Topher Grace (the actor’s best performance since 2004’s In Good Company), while Jessica Biel proves once again she might just be one of the most woefully underrated actresses working in Hollywood today. I adored young Emma Roberts (Julia’s niece) in this, while every scene with 10-year-old Bryce Robinson brought a smile to my face so big I wondered if it would ever disappear.

Not that I had to wonder long. The film is just too slow and filled with too much mystifying pabulum for it to resonate. While it almost goes without saying a performer of the caliber of a Latifah or a Bates can generate a laugh in their sleep, the reason for their characters being a part of the proceedings is ephemeral at best and meaningless at worst. There’s so much needless filler slogging through it in order to get to the good stuff was sadly too much for me to bear, and like the holiday it purportedly celebrates Valentine’s Day is an odd waste of time I just can’t muster up the energy to love.

Film Critique written by Sara Michelle Fetters during the theatrical run.  Thanks in part to the SGN in Seattle.

THE VIDEO

Warner presents Valentine’s Day in a 1.78:1/1080p transfer encoded with VC-1 onto a 50GB disc. The opening credits sequence is Garry Marshall’s “love letter” to the city, as he states in his commentary, and the visuals look great in high definition. Exterior day scenes are extremely vibrant in color and the level of detail is high, whereas night time scenes tend to suffer a bit. Contrast is sharp for the majority of the picture, while softness tends to creep into some images, but overall the picture is well-defined. There aren’t any technical issues here.

THE AUDIO

Valentine’s Day arrives in an average English 5.1 DTS-HD Master Audio track. There isn’t anything special about the sound design here; it’s a romantic comedy after all. Dialogue is sharp and clear, much like all the pop songs throughout, as one would expect from a Hollywood production like this, but when it comes to the surrounds there isn’t anything exciting to report. Additional audio options include English, French and Spanish 5.1 tracks. Optional subtitles in English SDH, Spanish and French are included.

THE EXTRAS

As is custom with Warner releases since the second half of 2009, the vast majority of these extras are exclusive to Blu-ray (and exclusively fluff, but more on that below).

Audio Commentary with director Garry Marshall: This is an interesting one, to say the least; Marshall points out very obvious facts and things on screen as if the audience is 12 years old. Seriously. It’s kind of funny, early on, but it gets boring rather quickly. He tends to say “now here” a lot when a new scene begins. During the opening credits he gets very exciting seeing Taylor Swift’s name and makes observations throughout that trail off topic.

The Stars Confess Their Valentine’s Day Stories (6:27, HD) defines fluff piece. The title of this featurette tells you everything you need to know, but once you start watching, you wish you hadn’t. It’s just a series of stories and laughing at nothing, if that’s your kind of thing.

The Garry Factor (5:03, HD) is a love fest for Marshall, the actors telling you why he’s a great director, communicator, etc. The man himself appears, interacting with the actors on set, and things of that nature. Not at all insightful, next.

Blooper Reel (5:47, HD) starts off with maybe two minutes of missed/flubbed lines, transitions with the cast imitating Marshall’s tone of voice, and ends with about three minutes of mostly random video clips. Nothing fun to see here, really.

14 Deleted Scenes (14:46, HD) are available here, with optional introduction by Marshall for each one. Many of these are inconsequential, and were wisely left out of the film. If you love the movie you might be interested in another 15 minutes of it, but if you don’t you’ll be able to spend those 15 minutes doing something more productive.

Jewel “Stay Here Forever” Music Video (3:10, HD) is nice to watch for Jewel herself; she looks good in this.

Also, available for a limited time, is a Digital Copy of the movie on a second disc, as well as the DVD version on that same disc.

Finally, the Blu-ray features an exclusive sneak peek at Sex and the City 2 (in high-def). I’m sure people will feel very special seeing this nearly 3-minute promotional piece that is part extended trailer, part interview with director Michael Patrick King hyping the film.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Valentine’s Day is more forgettable than memorable, and the bonus material lacks any kind of insight into the making of the film, opting instead for fluff pieces. The Blu-ray video/audio presentation is pretty good, but unfortunately the movie is not.