Game Over
Movie Doom No Substitute for PC Original
In the remote Olduvai Research Station on Mars, things have gone terribly wrong. Scientists, trying to map out the last percentage of the human genome, have unwittingly opened a pathway leading straight to the bowels of Hell. The facility is quickly locked down, the only people allowed in or out the Rapid Response Tactical Squad (RRTS). What they discover is a legion of ghoulish creatures massacring everything human within their path. With time running short, the RRTS team must close the portal to Earth and make sure nothing that’s not completely human makes it out of Olduvai and off of Mars alive.
Of course, not everything goes as planned. With their numbers dwindling, team leader Sarge (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) realizes the chances of any of them surviving before completing their mission is miniscule. Worse, the unit is beginning to fracture, Sarge’s second banana Reaper (Karl Urban) starting to think his boss is losing his mind and becomes obsessed with protecting blonde bombshell scientist Dr. Samm Grimm (Rosamund Pike), who just also happens to be the soldier’s estranged sister. By all accounts, he’s putting the mission in jeopardy. But the RRTS are professionals who always get the job done, friendships and familial ties be damned when it’s the fate of the known universe hanging in the balance.
Based on the groundbreaking 1993 video game from id Software, the new sci-fi horror thriller “Doom” isn’t anywhere near as awful as the uniquely heinous trailers (the year’s worst by far) had led me to believe. Not that it’s any good, it’s just not terrible, and I guess a person has to take their victories where they find them. Personally, I’d rather just go home and play the game and leave this movie alone.
I do give the filmmakers a little credit. In this age of make-everything-PG-13-and-release-an-unrated-version-on-DVD, “Doom” doesn’t skimp on either the gore or the violence. One main character’s demise is noteworthy for its splendid gruesomeness, while the almost continuous evisceration, decapitations and random blood-splattered death-by-gunfire is suitably grotesque. Even better, fight supervisor Dion Lam (an assistant on “The Matrix” trilogy) stages some awesome fisticuffs, The Rock, in particular, engaging in some mortal combat that’s downright incredible.
But none of these are things a person can build an entire movie around. Well, maybe a Hong Kong-era Jackie Chan and a pre-“LOTR” Peter Jackson, but that’s probably just about it. In this case, director Andrzej Bartkowiak (“Cradle 2 the Grave”) does what he can but there are only so many ways to stage an underlit fight and at this point the filmmaker has pretty much covered them all with Jet Li in his previous flicks. And while the visual effects are surprisingly strong (creative FX supervisor John Rosengrant, “Aliens,” really outdoes himself), the script is just as unsurprisingly insipid, newcomer David Callaham and veteran Wesley Strick (“Wolf”) joining forces to produce one of the most yawn-worthy adventure efforts two men could ever hope to create.
And yet, I could deal with all of this if not for the filmmaker’s insistence to duplicate the iconic imagery of the game. There are a couple of instances where the first person POV shots of soldiers navigating dank and dingy corridors is pretty decent, and I’ll even admit to jumping (almost into the lap of the guy next to me) at least one time. Unfortunately, overall the device just does not work. In fact, it’s stunningly silly, producing giggles instead of shrieks, laughter instead of screams. The artifice is used far too frequently and it’s horrible, and I thanked my lucky stars Bartkowiak mostly did away with it the closer he got to the picture’s climax.
I guess I shouldn’t complain. “Doom” is pretty much exactly what it bills itself to be. The acting is strong (at least for this kind of thing), and while they’re aren’t any surprises there’s also not very many instances where I slapped my forehead in disbelief, either. It won’t win awards (well, maybe the climactic fight sequence could take home a stunt man award of some sort – it’s pretty cool) and it doesn’t break new ground, but those that go for stuff like this (and you know who you are) certainly won’t be disappointed. For the rest of us, let me suggest we do what I suggested earlier, and that’s return home, turn on our computer and boot up the game. We’ll certainly have more fun than those paying full price to see this will.
Film Rating: êê (out of 4)
