Ex-Special Forces operative Frank Martin (Jason Statham) is back behind the wheel of his streamlined jet-black Auidi in “Transporter 2,” a high-octane sequel to 2002’s surprising box office and DVD success. Moving from the French Riviera to the wilds of Miami, Florida, this time the quietly stoic driver finds himself protecting a completely different type of cargo, little six-year-old Jack Billings (Hunter Clay), son of U.S. Drug Enforcement Czar Jefferson Billings (Matthew Modine).

When Jack is kidnapped on Frank’s watch, the seemingly unemotional Martin must use all his expertise with martial arts and his skills behind the wheel to make sure the child comes back to his mother Audrey (Amber Valletta) alive. But the kidnapping is only the tip of the ice berg, the villainous Gianni (Alessandro Gassman) and his lethal (and scantily clad) girlfriend Lola (Kate Nauta) using the child to unleash a deadly virus upon the nation’s top drug enforcement officers. Not gonna happen, at least, not on Frank’s watch. He made a promise to protect young Jack from harm, and protecting him and his family from this madman is exactly what he’s going to do.

“Transporter 2” features what may be the first ever POV shot of a fire hose nozzle slammed directly into a man’s crotch. For all the groaning and moaning going on in the audience (and I admit to being one of the groaners), this is not an event to applaud. Instead, all it really does is represent the lowest common denominator this sequel is shooting for. For all the clichés, the original was a fast, exciting and, more importantly, fun B-movie comic book-style adventure. It was a joy, a guilty pleasure you didn’t really feel all that guilty for liking. “Transporter 2,” however, is the exact opposite. Instead of being fun it’s just dumb, and no amount of nicely staged fight scenes or unusual camera moves can change that.

When trying to focus on the plot (what there is of one), this movie isn’t just bad it’s staggeringly bad. Luc Besson (who seems to have given up on directing completely in order to produce and write screenplays for 13 to 16 year-old boys) and Robert Mark Kamen’s script wouldn’t past mustard for a syndicated late-night cable action show. The film wears its idiocy on its sleeve like a badge of honor, reveling in the fact a person with an IQ of two will have no trouble keeping up with its clear-as-day twists and turns. It’s borderline insulting, and for those that enjoyed the original it will be lucky if many don’t walk out in disgust this time.

All the good things I might have said about director Louis Leterrier after “Unleashed” I take back now. His handling of things here is criminal, the movie such an over-edited mess and continuity-deficient waste I can’t recall a feature more poorly put together. Poorly put together, that is, until there’s an action scene. For all of Leterrier’s bungling, somehow the fight sequences still somehow manage to border on the spectacular. One in particular, a third act siege by Martin upon the villain’s stronghold, is masterful. Statham goes through the bad guys with lightning speed, using every tool at his disposal to get upstairs to Gianni and find the all-important antidote. This is when the director springs his crotch-busting POV shot on the audience, and while I’m not necessarily a fan there getting to it is such a joyful cavalcade of boisterously exuberant violence I’m not going to complain.

I am going to complain about the rest, however, as “Transporter 2” isn’t worth the time of day let alone the price of admission. The cast – save Statham who owns this character like Kurt Russell own Snake Plisken, and that’s a compliment – is horrid, Valetta easily joining Cindy Crawford in the models-who-should-not-act hall of fame. Even worse is the usually reliable Modine, struggling mightily to keep a straight face as he spouts lines so insipid I’m hoping he got a nice paycheck for having to say them. The villains are both okay, I guess, but neither has very much to do other than keep taking their clothes off (and considering how grand both of them look in underwear that’s just fine) a trait that doesn’t exactly make them scary.

It all comes to a head in the most ludicrously asinine CGI-filled climax I’ve seen this side of “XXX: State of the Union” earlier this year. It’s so terrible the audience howled with laughter. Forgotten were the expert fisticuffs. Gone from memory was the splendid early-movie car chase. In its place, a silly and insane smorgasbord of computer generated effects and actors throwing themselves about like they were on the Starship Enterprise during its initial television voyages. It’s awful, indicative of a terrible sequel and profound waste of both time and money, neither of which a person should waste transporting themselves to see this.

Film Rating: ê1/2  (out of 4)