Silly Burlesque Musical Cheese
Those hoping for a massive Showgirls or Glitter-level misfire in regards to the Cher and Christina Aguilera L.A. based musical Burlesque should prepare themselves for disappointment. The production values are much too high, the acting relatively competent and the music far too good for that to be the case. Writer and director Steve Antin’s first theatrical effort is hardly a total misfire, filled with too much fun stuff that goes down relatively easily for that to be the case.
Christina Aguilera (center) in Burlesque © Screen Gems/Sony Pictures
Not that this means the movie is actually any good. It isn’t, not even remotely. The script is so ancient it could have been written in 1933, elements of 42nd Street, The Broadway Melody and countless Andy Hardy adventures recycled throughout. This isn’t so much a coherent motion picture as it is a series of musical vignettes loosely attached one to the other, all of them held together by gentile banter between old pros Cher and Stanley Tucci doing their best to give it all minimal reasons to exist.
The story is your basic saga of a small town Midwestern girl (this time from Iowa) named Ali (Aguilera) who follows her dreams and heads to Los Angeles to become a star. One nigh she stumbles into a burlesque club owned by former dancer and diva Tess (Cher) and is immediately intoxicated by the glitz and glamour. Soon she manages to worm her way inside, first as a hostess, next as a dancer and finally as a headlining star. But the venue is embattled and on the verge of foreclosure, the question being whether or not Tess and Ali will be able to pool their talents and come up with the cash to save the club.
Like I said, we’ve seen this one before, and there isn’t a single surprise to be found. Will Ali fall in love with the sexy, and engaged, bar manager Jack (Cam Gigandet) who just so happens to be a struggling songwriter? Will oily real estate developer Marcus (Eric Dane) get his paws on the club and transform it into a glitzy corporate tower? Will former top girl (as well as struggling alcoholic) Nikki (Kristen Bell) clean up her act and learn to take second billing? Will Tess ultimately come out on top saving her club while also buying out her frazzled ex-husband Vince (Peter Gallagher) before he has a nervous breakdown? The answer to all these questions is obvious, and you know them the first moment Ali walks into Tess’ front door and is thunderstruck by what she encounters.
But just because that’s so doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of cheesy cornball fun to be had by watching Burlesque. Aguilera is fairly charming as the star-struck ingénue, while Cher and Tucci (playing the requisite gay best friend with an answer for everything) could do this sort of thing in their sleep and make it somehow worthwhile. Despite my best efforts to the contrary, I never felt terrible about sitting in my theatre seat. Heck, most of the time I was reasonably entertained, going along with the flow even if every fiber of my being told me to be doing otherwise.
It helps that the music is wonderful and that Antin has watched both Cabaret and All that Jazz I would guess several hundred times and stages musical numbers that have a bit of pizzazz behind them. While a lot of the film is overly dark and apparently shot through so many filters you’d think they were trying to protect the audience from nicotine, whenever things turn towards the stage the movie come alive in marvelous ways. It’s silly, brain-dead and revels in the cliché, but whenever Antin has someone belt out song or do a little dance those problems tend to evaporate to the point I almost forgot they were even there.
Only almost. Burlesque isn’t good, and no one should ever confuse it for being so. Its tired and rudimentary narrative can get on a person’s nerve, and if it wasn’t for the fact the film seems to be reveling in much of its own gloriously harebrained mediocrity there’d probably not be a lot here to talk about. Be all that as it may I enjoyed myself a heck of a lot more than it is arguably good for me to admit, and all things being equal as guilty pleasures go this is one song many people are going to find difficult to get out of their head.
-Review reprinted courtesy of the SGN in Seattle
Film Rating: êê1/2 (out of 4)
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