You are now about to witness the easiest review in the history of my entire career for Moviefreak.com that I have ever written. Please, analyze each word; each syllable, punctuation, genuflection, preamble, subtext, allusion, metaphor; very carefully as they are absolutely key in understanding and accepting the true power and poignancy of everything this brief essay on one of Hollywood’s Thanksgiving treats has to offer.

Ready?  Are you sure? I want to make sure you’re sitting comfortably and all of your attention is focused in this direction. If you’re not one hundred-percent committed to reading what I have to offer, please, I urge you, go do something else. Play a video game. Fly a kite. Take the dog for a walk. Enjoy some underwater basket weaving. No? You really are ready for the review? Positive? In that case, I am more than happy to proceed.

“Deck the Halls” with Matthew Broderick and Danny DeVito is the absolute worst movie I have seen this year. I hated it. So will you. Don’t waste your time or your money. If you must spend those hard-earned dollars, I’m sure there is an infomercial selling magical butternut squash dual chopping plus cremating machines on right now. That would be a better use of the cash. Goodness knows we could all use some more butternut squash, especially during the holidays.

This movie sucks and I doubt they could have made a more horrendous one had they tried. They even use cell phones like flaming lighters at a rock concert at one point. Lots of cell phones. A whole town full. And the main one right in the center of the screen isn’t even on. Seriously. I’m not making this up just because I loathed the picture. It’s really, really, really, really bad.

See? I told you this review was the easiest one I’ve ever written. And you probably thought I was being sarcastic.