Ben “Finn” Finnegan (Matthew McConaughey) and his ex-wife Tess (Kate Hudson) have spent the last eight years searching for a cache of missing Spanish treasure the likes of which the world has never seen. Only one day after their divorce, the pair find themselves thrown back together on the yacht of billionaire world traveler Nigel Honeycutt (Donald Sutherland) making his way around the Caribbean trying to connect with his spoiled daughter Gemma (Alexis Dziena).

Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey in Warner Bros' Fool's Gold

Buoyed by a recent find, the pair convinces this father-daughter combo to join them on their search. On their heels is bad boy Rap and R&B impresario Bigg Bunny (Kevin Hart) as well as Finn’s former treasure salvage teacher Moe Fitch (Ray Winstone). With the clues coming fast, romance coming faster and danger furiously surrounding them, the former husband and wife discover there is more to life then a cache of hidden precious gems and that love might just be the greatest treasure of them all.

Fool’s Gold is just about as bad as going to the movies gets. While Hudson can’t help but sparkle here and there (and while I have no problem watching a shirtless McConaughey do just about anything), this film is so poorly written and directed it almost boggles the mind. Filmmaker Andy Tennant (whose only good effort, the Drew Barrymore vehicle Ever After, is the exception not the rule where it comes to the guy’s filmography) does nothing right here, and at almost two full hours sitting through the picture is pretty close to excruciating.

Nothing about this thing works. The banter between the two stars is stale, Sutherland looks like he can’t believe his career has sunk so low, Winstone is so barely involved you wonder why he signed up for the thing and Hart just might be one of the worst screen villains of all time. Worse, the whole Romancing the Stone meets National Treasure storyline feels stale and uninspired, nothing about it worth getting excited about or becoming interested in. It’s been there-done that on a grandly idiotic scale, and the only enjoyment to be had from the thing is when it is finally over.

I admit there are a few decent one liners, and the early scenes of a scuba diving Finn oblivious to the sinking of his boat are relatively amusing in a Bugs Bunny sort of way. I was also completely captivated with Dziena’s Paris Hilton meet Britney Spears crossed with Lindsay Lohan bimbo heiress. Granted, I’m not sure if because she was just that good or because the character is just that out of left field bizarre, but whatever the reason just about every time I saw her I was marginally curious what sort of freakishly weird ridiculousness was going to spring forth from her mouth next.

Not that any of what I say is probably going to matter. Hudson and McConaughey are a wildly popular combo (see the astonishing popularity of the venal How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days for an example) and I don’t see that changing. Even though the film gets oddly violent in the third act, something tells me audiences – female audiences in particular – aren’t going to care. Too bad, because as romantic entertainment goes Fool’s Gold is nothing less than treasure constructed for morons.

Film Rating: ê1/2 (out of 4)

Additional Links:

-  Fool's Gold Theatrical Trailer