What You See is What You Get with Mall Cop
Paul Blart (Kevin James) is an overweight security guard and single father who dreams of someday becoming a New Jersey State Trooper. Unfortunately he’s got hypoglycemia, and each time he thinks he’s finally going to make it into the Academy a sudden narcoleptic seizure overcomes him to sabotage his progress.
Kevin James rocks out in Sony Pictures' Paul Blart: Mall Cop
After a group of criminals take over the mall in which he works on Black Friday, Blart find himself the only one remaining inside with the power to stop this group of nefarious ruffians before they steal $30-plus million in cash register credit card receipts. Adding fuel to his fire they’re holding the girl of his dreams, Amy (Jayma Mays), and his daughter, Maya (Raini Rodriguez), hostage, and no matter what this team of punk rocking ruffians throw his way this is one enforcement professional who’s determined to set things right.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop is not a good movie. Working from a script co-written by James, the film feels like a Die Hard parody that’s at least a decade too late. It’s sophomoric and rudimentary, the whole thing offering so few laughs I almost fell asleep in the theater while watching it.
Unlike the New Year’s other comedy Bride Wars, however, this one isn’t a total chore to endure. James is an easygoing enough presence, and there are a couple of moments of surprising wit that I almost couldn’t help but make me to illicit a slight chuckle or two. Baring a surprisingly tame PG rating it is also shockingly suitable for just about the entire family, and while a couple of innuendos might go a bit too far they’re so quickly tossed out and forgotten I doubt any of the pre-teens sitting in the audience will even notice them.
Not that I think people should see this movie. Far from it, and even at less than 90-minutes the film feels more like an extended “SNL” skit desperately searching for a punchline than it does a feature length motion picture. Huge portions come across almost as if they were made up on the spot, director Steve Carr (Are We Done Yet?) apparently just placing his camera in a stationary position all in the hopes something even slightly interesting – and hopefully funny – might be lucky enough to pass in front of it.
There really isn’t too much else to say other than that. With Paul Blart: Mall Cop looks are not deceiving, what you guessed it might be from the trailers is exactly what you get. If that’s what you’re wanting to spend your hard-earned dollars on then, great, good for you, here’s my hope you somehow enjoy yourself. As for the rest of us, I think I speak for everyone when I ask you kindly to wake us up when it’s over, preferably at the end of January and when we can, hopefully, get back to watching real movies again.
Film Rating: êê (out of 4)
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