Writing this is a waste of my time.

At least, I can’t help thinking that it is. I mean, did we actually think Postal, based on a video game and directed by the reigning king of schlock himself Uwe Boll, was really going to be any good? In what world, be it parallel, imaginary or some surreally bizarre offshoot of Doc Brown’s space-time continuum, was this actually ever going to happen?

Zach Ward and Jackie Tohn in Freestyle Releasing's Postal

The answer seems fairly obvious, but as I’ve never loathed or despised Boll as much as all my peers seem to I really didn’t think his latest attempt to infuriate, disgust and offend would be quite as bad as this. Films, if you can actually call Postal that, do not get as inept as this one. Even the guy’s at National Lampoon make better straight-to-video features than this, and for all the director’s (some of it warranted) vitriol against the Hollywood system, and towards Michael Bay in particular, almost none of what they release can compare to the unrelenting vulgarity of this.

I do give Boll a little (more like infinitesimal) credit. He’s certainly not one to avoid controversy, even if said controversy here is dumbed down to the point of irredeemable insignificance. But the man definitely, some would say defiantly, has an opinion, and as someone who champions the rights of others to express their thoughts (no matter how stupidly idiotic they might be) I’m not about to give him too much crap for stating his. Besides, any guy who stages a scene where he gets his own privates shot off during a terrorist attack can’t be all bad, and for that alone his latest probably deserves at least a faint bit of praise.

Other than that, though, I’m not even going to get any more into it. Basically, if you want to see Dave Foley taking a dump naked, George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden portrayed as naively inept best friends, a pair of 9/11 hijackers arguing about virgins before crashing accidentally into the Twin Towers, nuclear explosions galore and a bunch of foul-mouthed children getting slaughtered at a German carnival than this is the movie for you. Everyone else need not buy a ticket.

Like I said before, this was a waste of my time.

Film Rating: 1/2ê  (out of 4)

Additional Links:

-  Postal Theatrical Trailer