Unfunny The Ten a Damnable Sin

The star-studded Independent satire The Ten is one of the worst comedies I’ve seen this year, almost beating Norbit for that particular crown. It could also quite possibly be the worst film I’ve ever seen at the Seattle International Film Festival, but as that last includes more than its share of dogs I’m not entirely sure I’d want to go quite that far. But it is still bad, so just because I’m attempting to keep it out of the darkest, dankest and most decrepit depths of the cinematic cellar please don’t think I’m admitting any redeeming qualities.

Winona Ryder gets intimate with a real dummy in ThinkFilm's The Ten

Because certainly that is not the case, this vignette-driven series of skits based on the Ten Commandments is so horrifically unfunny and mind-boggling in its stupidity I’m not even sure where to begin. The film is a horrid, totally unappealing mess, so unfocused and juvenile even Saturday Night Live at its most awful still manages more laughs in ten seconds then this thing does over a full 95-minutes. 

In other words, I hated it, and if there are a better three words in the English language to adequately explain my feelings I must admit I have not yet been able to find them.

It goes without saying I feel like the actors in this should have all known better. Janeane Garofalo, Paul Rudd, Adam Brody, Jessica Alba, Liev Schrieber, Gretchen Mol, Winona Ryder, Ron Silver, Famke Janssen, Justin Theroux and Oliver Platt all make appearances, and while some have careers going stronger than others all should be ashamed for wasting their time and talents in this. They are stranded and embarrassed by the material at every turn, and if it wasn’t for the fact that I kept thinking there had to be a reason all of them would be in this I would have left a little over half way through.

Hard to believe this monstrosity was inspired by the late Polish filmmaker Krzysztof Kieslowski’s riveting ten part series Dekalog, but that’s exactly the case according to director and co-writer David Wain (who did actually make a great comedy, 2001’s Wet Hot American Summer) in the film’s production notes. I find that just astonishing because comparisons between the two are just night and day, and while I get that The Ten is supposed to be a small politically incorrect satirical riff on religious extremism the fact the thing is utterly horrific is just downright stunning. 

There is one good moment which made me giggle, and that was the sight of a whole gaggle of church-skipping quote-quote “straight” men lounging about in their leader’s suburban home listening to Roberta Flack. It’s an absurd sight, and while I’m not sure how this has anything remotely poignant to say about keeping the Sabbath Day holy it was thankfully still a single solitary laugh in a giant morass of tedium which had my head hurting. Other than that, anyone committing the sin of sitting through The Ten is probably going to find themselves feeling more than a bit damned, and that’s the gospel truth.

Film Rating:  ê  (out of 4)

Additional Links

-  The Ten Theatrical Trailer