White Noise  (2005)

Rating: PG-13

Distributor: Universal Studios Home Entertainment

Release Date: May 17, 2005
Review posted: May 25, 2005

Reviewed by Greg Malmborg  (plus Doug Alpern)

SYNOPSIS

White Noise is a ghost story that brings the viewer into the world of Electronic Voice Phenomenon, where spirits from beyond the grave are able to contact the living through the white noise in electronic appliances (like televisions, light sockets, and radios).

The story follows Jonathan Rivers (Michael Keaton) an architect who loses his wife in a horrible car accident one night when she’s driving home from a friend’s house.  Her car is found on the side of the road next to a riverside with no body recovered.  During that fateful night, Jonathan has numerous electrical problems throughout the house (like the clock going dead and the phone ringing with no one on the other end).  After a few days pass, a mysterious stranger (Ian McNeice) starts following Jonathan around.  It’s not long before Jonathan meets this man and discovers what he wants; the man has been receiving messages from Jonathan’s dead wife and he wants to prove it to him.  But he’s not a physic, he’s a father who had lost his son a while back and began receiving messages through the white noise of his television from his son.  From there he learned how to harness the use of electronics to gather messages from the dead, called EVP (electronic voice phenomenon).  Through EVP, he goes around connecting the living with the dead who are usually trying to make final contact with someone they left behind.

It is at this man’s house where Jonathan hears his dead wife through the television and is profoundly shocked and moved.  He begins to work on uncoding the message that his wife is sending him.  During this time period, he makes friends with a woman (Deborah Kara Unger) who had lost her fiancée a while back and has finally understood the message he was sending her.  Jonathan becomes so obsessed with trying to speak with his wife that he builds his own EVP studio in his home and tries obsessively (and unsuccessfully) to make contact with the dead. 

Once Jonathan makes his first contact on his own, he soon discovers that what he’s doing is meddling and that something on the other side is warning him to stop before it’s too late.  He soon learns exactly what the price might be for his meddling in the hereafter.

CRITIQUE

Do you remember the huge marketing campaign for this film that promised (quite ominously) that the subject of some movies is so disturbing that it will change you forever?  Well, if they meant disturbing as in extremely incoherent and ridiculous, then yes that statement is true.

White Noise is such an absolute mess of a film; just keeping yourself from turning it off towards the end takes amazing will power.  This is one of those films that you’ll probably leave angry because it turned out so frustratingly bad.  The premise of the film isn’t terrible and the first 40 minutes or so are actually quite engaging and interesting (there are some decent scares in there too), but then the film takes an absolute nose dive into the most ridiculous horror film I’ve seen in some time.

My biggest question after seeing this is why Michael Keaton, why?  He’s a great actor who, for whatever reason, isn’t getting offered any plum roles anymore.  But he shouldn’t take the easy way out, don’t agree to crap like this.  Wait it out and a good role will come.  I felt bad for him through this film, not because he’s not good in it (in fact, he’s as solid as he always is) but because the film is so excruciatingly idiotic and incoherent.

The story starts making absolutely no sense whatsoever and there are so many plot holes you just start looking for anything that makes sense at all.  I love how the filmmakers chose not to explain why when you turn your TV to static or your radio to a channel that doesn’t come in, you can somehow contact the dead.  You’d think at the very least they’d give some kind of answer to that, no?  Or why Unger’s character serves no purpose except to randomly (seriously there is no reason why) jump off her balcony (which she also manages to survive inexplicably).  There are also three shadowy characters that mean something bad will happen in the next few minutes every time they appear and yet it never makes any attempt at explaining who or what they are.  The major plot turn involving the kind of messages Jonathan is getting is so ridiculous I just said forget it and laughed at the film the rest of the way.  You may get some satisfaction out of watching it that way.

The writer is Niall Johnson, just wanted to write his name down so I can remember to avoid any future films of his, and the director is Geoffrey Sax who at least gets some style points and manages to conjure up a few scares.  He (and Keaton) will leave this unscathed.

All in all, avoid this film and pray that Michael Keaton gets better roles soon.

CRITIQUE #2

by Doug Alpern

Along comes another film, a la the recent Suspect Zero, that takes a debatably real paranormal phenomenon and tries to build an entire plot around it. And, once again, it doesn’t work. This time we have Michael Keaton, sinking further into acting purgatory, as blissfully married architect Jonathan Rivers, whose wife, Anna Rivers, is a best-selling author. One day she drives off with their son, goes out partying, and never comes back. The police find her Volkswagen near the water with the door open and no sign of foul play, and surmise that she may have fallen in. Her body turns up later in the water. Funeral number 1.

Keaton soon discovers a man following him, and when confronted, the man tells him that Mrs. Rivers has been contacting him through EVP, electronic voice phenomena -  the voices that can be discerned in background static heard on an untuned radio and/or tv. He goes on to explain that those who have “passed over” communicate with the living in this way. Keaton shrugs him off, but soon gets a cell phone call from his wife’s non-working cell phone. He’s convinced. He goes to see the EVP guy, and meets up with Deborah Kara Unger. EVP-guy dies – funeral number 2. Another important character dies – funeral number 3. You’d think the movie was underwritten by the National Association of Funeral Directors.

Soon Keaton hears from his deceased wife, gets messages that can help people still alive, and messes with a trio of evil spirits. How much nonsense is one expected to believe. His architecture firm must sure miss him; his son pops in an out of the story along with an ex-wife for no reason at all. What is the point, and who really cares?

And what happened to the promising talent of Michael Keaton? With an auspicious start in Ron Howard’s Night Shift in 1982, and a career-making turn in Tim Burton’s Beetle Juice six years later, Keaton has been out of control ever since. Get a new agent fast, Mike, and go back to quirky comedy.

The only attempt at scares here are the jump-out-at-you kind, since no tension is ever able to build, and even those few are lame. What a waste of 98 minutes. DVD Rating: 1/10.

THE VIDEO

The transfer is in anamorphic widescreen 2.35:1 and it is perfectly clear and crisp; the colors and outside locales are vibrant and lucid.  It is a strong, quality video transfer for a film of poor quality.

THE AUDIO

The audio is presented in Dolby Digital 5.1 with superb sounding surround but a real audio problem in the background noises compared to the dialogue.  I’m not quite sure if its’ the DVD presentation that is the problem or the way it was filmed and edited, but you can’t make out any of the messages Keaton’s character receives.  But the film acts as though you should be able to make them out.

THE EXTRAS

Deleted Scenes – These are just a few deleted scenes left on the table that I was hoping might explain a few things better and then I could just blame the editor, but unfortunately these are just extended scenes (for the most part) with the only true deleted scenes adding nothing to the story.

Making Contact: E.V.P. Experts – This is a hilarious (not supposed to be) extra that includes interviews with the leading E.V.P. experts and includes E.V.P. session footage and footage from the E.V.P. convention.  The experts try to convince you of its existence but looking at the technology they use (just tape recorders and some digital voice software) and the convention (it’s like a 15 person room playing recordings and saying ‘yes I hear something’) you walk away feeling even more unconvinced.

Hearing is Believing: Actual E.V.P Sessions – This is a featurette that takes you on some E.V.P. sessions through some houses that supposedly have spirits and it is quite funny too.  The E.V.P. experts use their tape recorders and walk around the house asking questions and then they load the tapes and when you hear any sound whatsoever they act like they know exactly who is speaking and what they are saying.  You’ll hear something completely garbled and one of them will say something like ‘ah, yes he said do not come into this room’.  Very funny stuff.

Recording the Afterlife at Home – This is the real topper; it shows you how to do an E.V.P. at home.  I can see it now, people all across the nation turning their radios to static and sitting there with a tape recorder waiting for ghosts to contact them.  All you need is a tape recorder, that’s it.

Commentary from Director Geoffrey Sax and Michael Keaton – This is the only decent extra in the lot.  Keaton and Sax have a very engaging and interesting conversation discussing the making of the film.  They keep it light and aren’t afraid to make fun of themselves.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Stay away from White Noise, there are many other great horror films on DVD in the horror section of your local video store.  The story makes absolutely no sense at all and no reasons are given for the most basic of these ideas and creations.  The acting is excellent, but it is all for naught.

VERDICT: STAY AWAY

Home | Back to Top