A Roast of Holiday Films

By Keith Helinski

Editor's Note: Sentence structures and wordings have not been altered or corrected for grammatical errors in hope of preserving the author's original voice, ramblings, and range of sanity.

Even if you were disgusted Holiday ads were sighted the day after
Halloween. OK, it's a commercialized and over-hyped marketing scheme. OK - people lost the meaning of Christmas (Santa Claus replaces Jesus as the symbol of Christmas. Ok, religions conflict other religions. OK - many people gets annoyed when other religious Holidays gets shoved in their face.

DEAL WITH IT!

Holiday based stories have always captured the heart of almost anyone that - well - has a heart. And like so, has been placed in our pop culture since the dawn of story telling. In fact, Christmas movies
almost are a genre all on its own.

I am a sucker for Christmas. OK - so I hate snow, winter, cold, and the concept of getting sick. But I love everything else. The tradition. The corny music. And sue me, I love the cheesy movies.

Thanksgiving usually sets the stage and tone of weeks ahead up to that magical moment of Christmas-mania.

I present to you, the Holiday roast of films...

200 Cigarettes - Sets in New Year's Eve of 1981, this film presents an independent satire look of 20-somethings with that simple goal of just having some kind of pleasure in life of enjoying themselves on New Year's Eve. A simple plot with simplified characters but great writing and dialogue behind it.

Alice's Restaurant - A very detailed Thanksgiving tale that captures the essence of Americas iffiest time period and provides a very different but REAL look into what Thanksgiving is all about. What Psycho did to showers, Jaws did with beaches, Texas Chainsaw Massacre did with meat - is what Alice's Restaurant did with favors!

Back to the Future - Ok-ok-ok...I'm getting a little carried away here
but since it's New Years is close by, it's a time to reflect on change
and resolution. Why not do it with style while attempting to change the past from a time machine - which then contradicts what's said between the time of changing time and the end result of what's learned, you follow?

Bad Santa - This is a very-very naughty movie with excessive "naughty" words. It actually plays out more like an anti-Holiday cheer then a typical Christmas movie. There are a few annoyances that bothered me but overall, if you can get pass the excessive "dirty" words and content, it is a Christmas naughty good time!

Batman Returns - It's a Tim Burton version of Batman part two, which
also happens to set during the Christmas season. Considered one of the best sequels in cinema history (or just simply, superhero cinema
history) but I consider it one of the best Christmas movies of all time.

Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas - A very confusing
in-between-quel of events within the first Disney's Beauty and the
Beast. I say skip it but little kids may get a kick out of it. I'd much
rather take the first movie any day then this direct-to-video film.

A Charlie Brown Christmas - A classic Charlie Brown tale that even
people who don't enjoy much from Charlie Brown will enjoy. A cliché
Christmas tale that actually points out a thought, "is Christmas about
material things?" And with that cliché-ism, the warmth of the "true"
meaning of Christmas answers that thought. AWWWW!

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving -. I guess what makes this a delight is the whole "disaster" and "overcome" of Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving.

Christmas Everyday - Not to many people is going to know this, it's part of the 25 days of Christmas on ABC (what use to be FOX) family. It's a kiddy-friendly Christmas version of Groundhog Day. I enjoyed it very much.

A Christmas Story - Title of the film says it all. Part of American film
pop culture and so many great lines from the film. Also made Santa's
from the malls actually scary (and this was two decades before BAD SANTA came into our lives!)

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation - The worse sequel in the history of cinema since it never followed the concept of continuity with the other two "vacation" films but one of the BEST Christmas movies of ALL-TIME. Cult classic indeed, this satire is one of those films that if you thought it was funny the first viewing, it's still funny many other viewings later. Every over the top scenario and every piece of dialogue is funny every time I see it.

Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie's Island Adventure - Clearly, this is a case of creative execs getting high while actually giving the green light to a worthless piece of garbage in the history of storytelling, period. It's sad to see something that may have, could have, and SHOULD HAVE been good just completely turn out to be nothing more then a lamp of coal. And at least starring at a lamp of coal is much more exciting!

Christmas with the Kranks - It seems Tim Allen will always be typecast for Christmas movies. It seems like a PG version of what you would get when mixing Tim Allen in a Christmas Vacation like setting.

Dances with Wolves - An all round fantastic story that is probably the most REALISTIC account between the Native Americans and the settlers. It's not a Thanksgiving or Holiday film off hand, but since we are reflecting on the history of America, let's look at America's real first flaw.

Die Hard - Really, a perfect film all year round but is just ten times
more special and meaningful during the Christmas season. One of the best action films EVER...and a perfect Holiday "blast."

Dutch - This is what happens when you mix Married with Children's Ed
O'Neill in a little PG-13 friendly Thanksgiving comedy with heart. It's
not Al Bundy but somewhat close!

Edward Scissorhands - Not a Holiday best movie but a great fantasy about the origins of snow, Tim Burton style.

Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights - For those people that likes Adam
Sandler's reparative "seen in every Sandler movie" punch lines and lazy wise cracks, here is an animated Holiday version of it.

Elf - I still don't know why people phrase it when it is nothing more
than a complete and utter gay joke but nonetheless, people proclaim it is the best thing since Lasagna. Watch an undeservingly moron beat the odds and steals the heart of a girl and saves Christmas for good measure.

Ernest Saves Christmas - This was really stupid. Don't know what's
worst, this or "Scared Stupid." But regardless, still had enough charm
to be delightful (and stupid) at the same time!

The Family Man - This gets a lot of heat. Especially for basically being a "Wonderful life/Christmas Carol" rip off...but I still loved this
movie. Cage is the man. And it's neat to watch Brett Ratner hatch into his shell of being a fine director (meaning: he isn't good for just
action films with little plot!)

Ghostbusters 2 - Sequel to Ghostbusters and sets during the Holidays.

Gremlins - Some will fight me on this but it is a Christmas film. I like
to think of this as a Steven Spielberg like-story of Christmas.

The Grinch - I was doubtful on this movie when I first heard about it - regardless if Ron Howard is helming it. After watching it the first time - I was not only impressed with Jim Carrey but also the back story that they created around the classic tale. I enjoyed the back story and thought Howard/Carrey did a superb but feel they didn't had to poke and make fun of themselves as much.

National Lampoon's Holiday Reunion (AKA Thanksgiving Reunion): Hmm...a devoted father, two spoiled kids, a devoted mother to a devoted husband while playing off "spoiled-wife", and an estranged - just recently found nimrod cousin (not uncle, not brother, not even long-lost friend but a long lost COUSIN!) Um...sounds a lot like Vacation, eh?

Home Alone - It's hard not to have some love for this film and the
sequel that followed it. And it's hard to determine whether the sequel
was just as good if not BETTER then the first one! And it's neat to see Joe Pesci play a bad guy we all love to hate but also laugh at WITH NO EXCESSIVE SWEAR WORDS! Part three didn't connect with the first two and wasn't as good but I still found it extremely enjoyable. And guess what? THERE IS A FOURTH ONE LURKING AROUND. Haven't checked it out yet and I really don't care to.

Home for the Holidays - A very-very-VERY entertaining satire of the
hellish experience of that "home for the Holidays" blues. Before "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", there was this Thanksgiving based Jodie Foster instant classic.

Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas - Who has grown up without this classic 30 minute tale? Boris Karloff's voice was both haunting and pure GENIUS! And even Ted Turner plays it to death, still enjoyable each time!

The Ice Storm - A more serious note of a dysfunctional family gathering around Thanksgiving. This is the kind of film where you have to really keep an eye on the writing and the acting.

I'll Be Home for Christmas - So it's a teen heartthrob pin-up posters
Disney friendly version of a "Home Alone" like story. I still enjoyed
the film, sadly! Those who question me yet still thinks ELF is great, I
think it is you that need the questioning!

It's a Wonderful Life - This is the Citizen Kane of Christmas films. It
tells a story somewhat similar to "A Christmas Carol", and what is funny about "Wonderful Life", many other Christmas films has either ripped off, knocked off, or referred to "It's a Wonderful Life."

Jack Frost - This film is so underrated. A little corny and sappy, but
still charming and "delightful!" No - this isn't that stupid ass slasher
film! This is that Michael Keaton version. And OK, there were some parts in it that got me a little teary. And OK - how can take the snowman seriously? But beneath all of that lies, "magic Christmas snow!"

Jingle All the Way - People misunderstood the point of this film. It was suppose to be a satire on how parents get during Holiday shopping spree time! OK - so Arnie was a bit silly. Still a great cheesy film!

Lethal Weapon - Not a Christmas movie like say, Die Hard yet it STILL
takes place during the Holidays.

Miracle on 34th Street - The black and white version IS a classic,
enough said. And it was a miracle on its own for the remake to be as
great as the original. I thought it was, and to have Mr. Hammond play Santa in the remake, he was born for that role!

Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas - Corny and cheesy, campy and over-the-top. But also visually imaginative and a fantastic concept, marvelous score and a fine story. Explains the title very well: a Tim Burton CHRISTMAS. I guess satire can also be lifted from this film with that inside joke between Halloween and Christmas (since Christmas ads are always presented the day AFTER Halloween!)

Pieces of April - It's "Home for the Holidays" but the complete
opposite. Instead of the child coming to the parents house for
Thanksgiving, the parents coming to the child for Thanksgiving. It's
gritty, raw, but also very entertaining, funny, and heartwarming.

Planes, Trains & Automobiles - Don't think I can say much about this
Thanksgiving cult classic other then the fact that it is, above all
else, FUNNY AS HELL! This film almost presents that "whose going to
upstage who the most, Steve Martin or John Candy?" They both provide equal laughs!

The Polar Express - A mise en scene delight. Some may hate it. Some may love it. But above all else, it delivers and it is perfect for kids.

Prancer - A Christmas knock off version of ET. But still a tearjerker
and great storytelling.

The Preacher's Wife - Denzel is just simply, THE MAN! A remake to "The Bishop's Wife" (which is another classic with Cary Grant) and sort of a knock off on "It's a Wonderful Life" with the angel scenario.

Reindeer Games - One of the worst action flicks of all time but a fine
Holiday "whodunit". So Ben Affleck was a little goofy. There aren't too many films where he ISN'T goofy!

Santa Claus: The Movie - Before Elf came into our lives and completely fool people into thinking it is all round great, there was this campy and just down right HORRIBLE Holiday film. It's sad to see talented actors get crappy roles.

The Santa Clause - I thought this was just a perfect role for Tim Allen. Loved the concept, a fresh slant on the "from one Santa to another" been-done-before! And a very creative spin on the title (adding the E to CLAUS!) Wish the same can be said with the decent but also very horrible sequel but it isn't unusual to see parody sequels (Terminator 3, anyone?!?!)

Scrooged - I put this up there with Christmas Vacation...funny as hell
and so damn original. Who knew a satire on a classic tale, which also
evolves a making of a classic tale inside this satire, which then turns
into a satire all together-, would be so damn great!

Snow Day - This film actually takes place AFTER Christmas but some areas that does have the curse of getting snow this time of year and with Chevy Chase (who makes the film have that Christmas Vacation feel to it), it is a PERFECT film for the Holidays, even if it doesn't reflect it.

The Snowman - I recall seeing this long ago but I don't remember
much...but all I do remember, I loved it when I first saw it.

Son in Law - Slapstick comedy at its bests that presents a harmless
Thanksgiving tale that is actually FUNNY! I guess the best aspect of
this film, it's the only film Pauly Shore isn't all-out annoying.

Surviving Christmas - I guess the best aspect of this film was the
cutthroat reviews of this film. A lot of critics had fun ripping this
movie apart piece by piece. Unfair? Well - the movie did come out in the middle of October. What did you expect?

The Time Machine: [See Back to the Future!]

Toy Story - Not a Christmas movie. But talking-walking toys...does have that Christmas vibe. And I always loved the concept.

Trading Places - This sort of goes with the holidays. See a drunken
Santa Claus, see a lot of drunken people on a train partying on New
Years EVE...want to bet this movie IS a holiday film...ONE DOLLAR!

Trapped in Paradise - Christmas clichés work the best when it happens in a comical way, like the end result of this film.

There are more Holiday based movies out there to explore. Holiday based films seems to spark its own genre, whether it's Christmas, New Years Eve, or Thanksgiving. Whatever the case may be, Happy Holidays to the readers of "a retrospect."

Article Posted: November 25, 2004

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