The big winner, of course, was director Peter Jackson and his massive “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy, the final chapter “The Return of the King” victorious in all 11 of the categories in which it was nominated and tying “Ben-Hur” and “Titanic” for the most Oscar wins in history. In many ways, this was an affirmation of the entire trilogy, not just the culminating piece, the Academy having waited until all was said and done before crowing Jackson and his triumphant epic king.

After winning the Oscar for Best Foreign film for “The Barbarian Invasions,” Denys Arcand couldn’t help but thank the Academy for leaving Jackson and his trilogy out of her category. And, just so no one would mistake his accent, winning cinematographer Russell Boyd (for “Master and Commander”) made sure to preface his acceptance speech with the fact he was from Australia and not island neighbor New Zealand. His win was one of two for director Peter Weir’s naval epic, both coming in categories (Cinematography and Sound Editing) that “The Lord of the Rings” was conspicuously absent. In fact, the constant procession of New Zealanders to the winner’s podium got to be so redundant returning host Billy Crystal couldn’t help but remark after the seventh or eighth win that there just wasn’t anyone left in the tiny country to thank.

The other winners were just as predictable. Charlize Theron struggled not to cry as she thanked her Mom after picking up an Oscar for Best Actress for her work in “Monster,” while Reneé Zellweger looked about as nonplussed as possible after picking up a statue herself for her supporting turn in “Cold Mountain.” Both Tim Robbing and Sean Penn, who actually showed up thanks to some gentle prodding from director Clint Eastwood, picked up statues for “Mystic River,” while young Sofia Coppola joined her father and grandfather as an Academy Award winner for her original screenplay to “Lost in Translation.” There weren’t even any Bjork-like fashion fiascoes, every starlet in Hollywood playing it tastefully safe with one of the most boring haute couture lineups Oscar has probably ever had.

With so few surprises amongst the winners, you would at least hope there would be some pointed political remarks or silly shenanigans to liven the proceedings. Unfortunately, even with outspoken liberals like Penn, Robbins and Susan Sarandon all coming to the stage, there wasn’t one peep from anyone that could even remotely be considered controversial. Indeed, the only political comments uttered came from documentarian Errol Morris after winning for “The Fog of War.” As that film was in-depth peak into the psyche of Vietnam mastermind Robert S. MacNamara, Morris’ worries that the U.S. was once again heading down a rabbit hole of foreign entanglement and catastrophe seemed all the more potent. Next to a standing ovation for Penn, Morris’ comments received the longest, most-sustained applause of the night.

If the awards winners themselves weren’t all that interesting, the night’s program still had its share of highlights, not the least of which was the return of Crystal as host. Charming and off-the-cuff as ever, it was glorious to have the actor back on stage emceeing the evening’s events. Popping in and out of many of the nominated pictures in an opening montage, the comedian even went down to his full monty to generate laughs, an extended bit inside “Something’s Gotta Give” worthy of a full-blown belly laugh. But Crystal’s biggest cackle came when he recollected on how much things had changed in the thirteen years since his first hosting duty remarking, “Bush was President, the economy was tanking and a war in Iraq was coming to a close.” Funny, but astonishingly prescient as well, and the jam-packed auditorium took notice.

Other moments of note: Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara performing the nominated song from “A Mighty Wind” as their movie’s characters, the winner for Animated Short thanking his boyfriend, Academy President Frank Pierson mumble-mouthing his way through a memoriam speech to the famously well-spoken Gregory Peck, 80-year-old Blake Edwards showing he can still do a pratfall with the best of them and Jack Black and Will Ferrell finally clueing us all in on just what the lyrics really are to the “Get Off the Stage” music played when a winner drones on and on during their acceptance speech. Also of note, there was only one joke about the awards ceremony’s length. Coming in at a brisk three-hours and forty-minutes or so, turns out only one was needed, viewers on the East Coast able to make their way to bed just after midnight instead of their usual 1:00 a.m. or later.

As for the little gloating contest here at MovieFreak.com between Dennis and myself, I managed 20 correct guesses to my editor’s measly 17. Guess that means I get to smugly celebrate for the next 12 months. Granted, seeing as he’s the one with checkbook, maybe I should keep said gloating to myself. Silent smirking isn’t one of my strong suits, however, so don’t be surprised if I’m suddenly writing in the unemployment line next season.

All kidding aside, congratulations to Peter Jackson and all involved with the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy. Boring Oscar telecast or no, these three films really do warrant all the fuss they’ve generated over the last three years. They are an astounding achievement of gloriously effervescent filmmaking, full of passion and risk that is depressingly absent from most Hollywood productions in this day and age. Here’s hoping we see something like them again real soon.