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It
was just a matter of time before Hollywood (Columbia Pictures
and Joe Roth in this case) produced a movie that takes a look
inside actors, directors, producers, etc. America's
Sweethearts is that movie, but is it worth checking out? Is
it interesting? Is it true?
It's
worth checking out because all of the stars involved. However,
it's not an interesting movie. The characters, probably not as
fictional as one might assume, are mostly self-absorbing
assholes, well, with the exception of Lee (Crystal, sharing
writing credit with Peter Tolan). Lee Phillips is a movie
publicist working for Mr. Kingman (Tucci). Kingman, an über-stressed
and self-indulging movie producer, sees his new movie --
"Time over Time" -- going down the drain because of
two problems.
Problem
#1: Hal (Christopher Walken), the director, has barricaded
himself to edit the movie according to his own true vision (what
a truthful vision this is). He wants to screen the movie right
at press time without letting the studio or producer see it
beforehand.
Problem
#2: The two stars of the movie, Gwen Harrison (Zeta-Jones) and
Eddie Thomas (Cuasck) -- husband and wife -- are breaking up (or
in this case, already have). And this comes after the completion
of their newest (and quite possibly the latest) movie.
Enter
the life of the two mega-stars. Gwen is a beautiful woman, but
the Hollywood success has totally spoiled her. She treats people
like property, especially her personal assistant/sister Kiki
(Roberts). Eddie, pretending to get better in some sort of
actor-rehab facility run by a white-haired Alan Arkin, still
can't believe the break-up.
Now,
Kingman is forced to re-hire Lee, who he fired beforehand. Lee's
task is to bring the two stars -- who've starred in countless
movies opposite each other -- together again in order to make
the public happy and eventually save the movie from financial
ruin. Lee brings in Kiki to help out with the situation and bla
bla bla.
From
here, all that happens is the press-junket mess, some newly
found love, and stuff not worth mentioning. America's
Sweethearts, in my opinion, is an unengaging movie because I
couldn't and didn't want to connect with the characters. They
were not likeable, simple as that. The jokes, well, they didn't
work. A dog sniffing and holding onto a crotch? Comedic genius
-- NOT! Hank Azaria's Hector (Gwen's new boyfriend), carrying a
heavy Spanish lisp accent, gets your laugh muscles started but
three seconds later... well, they atrophy. They stay this way
throughout, basically.
Script-wise,
I once read that the opening page should engage the reader (or
viewer in this case) enough to turn the page. The beginning is
slow. The middle drags for over an hour (taking place entirely
at a hotel). And the end? There is no climax, whatsoever. There
isn't even a build-up that might accentuate some tension. Well,
this is supposed to be a romantic comedy, so, tension isn't the
right word, but it's the first that comes to mind.
Romance-wise,
you're better off renting She's All That (wow!).
Comedy-wise, this movie has shit for brains going for it.
Character-wise, well, who wants to see actors bitching and
moaning about how bad they are treated and WHATNOT? I don't. Do
you? I hope not. Hollywood-wise, suck on those salty
chocolate balls because the taste of America's Sweethearts
is going to give you stomach cramps. For a better and (a lot)
funnier view on Hollywood, rent State and Main now!!! And
as far as the title goes, none of the characters are
sweethearts, so I don't know why there is this need to deceive
people. Geez. That's low.
Overall,
I was disappointed. However, it's only dismal, because I didn't
let my expectations run high. Seeing as how big the talent
involved with this movie is makes the following a perfect
example: Even though your movie might have big stars attached,
what matters is in the end is the story, its execution, and the
engagement.
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