Kidman Bewitching but Remake’s Magic is Still Missing

The use of a surprisingly cute – and twitchy – nose lands L.A. newcomer Isabel Bigelow (Nicole Kidman) the plum role of Samantha Stevens in a modern-day update of the classic comedy series “Bewitched” and the breathy soon-to-be-starlet should be ecstatic. Starring down-on-his-luck former box office megastar Jack Wyatt (Will Ferrell) as Darren, the show is the sure-fire hit of the fall season, even with the lead’s oversized ego constantly getting in the way.

The thing is, while annoying and uncouth as Jack’s antics are, they’re not the problem. No, the problem is much more complicated than a spoiled actor. The problem, at least for Isabel, is that she really is a witch, and playing one on TV when she’s trying so hard to give up witchcraft might just be impossible, especially if she starts falling in love with her leading man.

Welcome to “Bewitched,” the latest romantic fairy tale from “Sleepless in Seattle” writer-director Nora Ephron. A re-imagining of the 1960’s television sitcom, instead of doing a straight remake Ephron and her co-writer (and sister) Delia take the opportunity instead to skewer both Hollywood and the cult of celebrity. The thing is, neither of them have the teeth to make anything remotely interesting out of it all, instead crafting a pedestrian and tired romance that couldn’t produce a surprise even if the fate of all humanity depended on them doing so to ensure survival. The movie is predictably pedestrian; a shallow and spineless comedy with all the charm of leftover goat cheese left to fester unwrapped on the bakery counter.

Needless to say, “Bewitched” is a bad movie. So why don’t I hate it? Well, no shock here but Kidman is an inspired choice to play Isabel/Samantha. Speaking in sing-songy Marilyn Monroe-like breathy whispers she’s a shockingly resilient flower looking to grow some new petals. Touching, funny, romantic, playful and endearing, Kidman’s a hoot, digging into the character with all her whip-smart comedic cylinders firing in smashingly amusing synchronicity. This may not be the actress’ best performance, not even close, but it is still a remarkably endearing one and Ephron’s movie would be virtually unwatchable without her.

The other actors do what they can. For the first time, Ferrell isn’t an annoying one-note presence, at least not completely. While he has his moments where his performance lapses back into his tiredly familiar over-the-top shtick, for the most part the actor restrains himself and I cannot begin to tell you how welcome a turn of events that is. Sure, he doesn’t share a lick of chemistry with Kidman, but at least I didn’t hate him (and based on my feelings towards “Elf,” “Anchorman” and “Kicking and Screaming” that’s saying something).

As for the rest, while I never really tire of seeing either Michael Caine or Shirley MacClaine, I can’t help but wish they had more to do. But then, at least Caine sort of gets a chance to make an impression as Isabel’s ne’er-do-well father Nigel (a sequence in a grocery store with the actor popping up all over is a hoot). MacClaine is left virtually high and dry, her role here as the actress hired to portray Endora nothing more than a few vampish asides and one not very unpredictable twist. It’s a waste of talent, and the fact neither Ephron sister can come up with a decent use for her is nearly unacceptable. Of the remaining players (which include comedic heavyweights like Jason Schwartzman, Steve Carell and David Allan Grier) only “Miss Congeniality” scene-stealer Heather Burns rises above the chaos, more than a few of her witty asides (most concerning devilishly demonic ways to get rid of Jack) enough to send my side splitting virtually in two.

Still, for all the actors’ efforts the magic is certainly missing from “Bewitched.” The script is a tired mess, while Ephron the director can’t manage a consistent pace or tone to save her life. Worse, this movie isn’t even as funny as Kidman’s last summertime disaster “The Stepford Wives.” At least there I could find a few belly laughs to help get through all the disjointedness. Not this time. While there are laughs, and while the cast certainly has their charm, this is still a great big soggy mess only a broken broomstick or two away from being a complete disaster.

Film Rating: êê  (out of 4)