MOVIE REVIEW

Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star  (2003)

Starring: David Spade, Alyssa Milano, Mary McCormack
Directors: Sam Weisman

Rating: PG-13

Studio: Paramount

Release Date: 9.05.03

Review Posted: 9.05.03

Spoilers: Minor

By Sara Michelle Fetters

Disappointing "Dickie Roberts" Falls Short of Stardom

In some respects, what I say in regards to David Spade’s new movie “Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star” could be construed as a compliment. Granted, with a career featuring such landmarks – and I use that term derisively – as “Joe Dirt,” “Lost & Found” and “Black Sheep,” almost anything I choose to say would seem glowing in comparison to the contempt I’ve levied at those monstrosities. But please, when I say that “Dickie Roberts” is disappointing don’t take that to mean I suddenly think the former “Saturday Night Live” comedian is on his way up as a filmmaker, for the answer on that front is a mightily resounding no.

Let me rephrase that; don’t let that make you think he’s on his way up as an actor. As a writer, maybe Spade has far more up his sleeve than I ever could have imagined. For, in many ways, “Dickie Roberts” is an imaginatively thought out motion picture only aching for a scene here or there to put it over the top; to make it something special. It’s a movie with an idea so good and so insanely out there that it is at once believable, especially in this me-first pop culture obsessed era.

But the movie is completely undone by Spade the actor, the missing scenes – whether they were ever conceived or not – being completely outside the realms of the former stand-up’s meager talents. It is as if he and co-writer Fred Wolf (“Dirty Work”) realized the star’s own deficiencies as a leading man and purposefully left out all the imaginative meat and potatoes that could have linked all the scripts string beans into a tasty stew. Of course, considering the duo’s track record – this is the second film they’ve written together, “Black Sheep” and “Joe Dirt” being the other two – in screenwriting, I’m probably giving them more credit than they deserve.

Yet “Dickie Roberts” comes so infuriatingly close to working that it is credit that’s almost too easy bestow. The story of an aging former child star of the 70’s trying desperately to regain lost stardom by attempting to relive a childhood he never had by hiring a family to raise him, the picture has a real chance to explore concepts of innocence lost and an adolescence filled with too much too soon. But the movie doesn’t really seem interested in those ideas, instead choosing to be a showcase for Spade – as the title character – to insult and ridicule his way through the proceedings much like his sitcom television character in “Just Shoot Me,” enduring much physical torture – er, comedy – along the way.

There are real actors for him to be playing off of, however, and each and every one of them refuse to let “Dickie Roberts” fall into complete oblivion. But then, that’s also part of the problem. If the movie was simply a catastrophe on the level of “Lost & Found,” per se, than all of this caterwauling would simply be moot, but as it is the performers all seem intent on investing their roles with depth and nuance. This has a profound effect in two ways: first and foremost, it forces Spade into actually having to prove himself as an actor, something he seems incapable of doing; second, it brings to the fore all the script’s shortcomings, causing me to continually want for more when I knew it couldn’t possibly be coming.

Which is a shame, really, for once Dickie settles down with the beleaguered Finney family; dad George (Craig Bierko, “The Long Kiss Goodnight”), mom Grace (Mary McCormack, “Private Parts”), son Sam (Scott Terra, “Eight Legged Freaks”) and daughter Sally (Jenna Boyd, “The Hunted”); I really started to pull for the movie to take off. McCormack is especially good here, easily erasing memories of that “High Heels and Low Lifes” debacle and working a groovy sort of scene-stealing magic every times she’s on camera. She creates a touchingly sympathetic figure, investing a world-weary realism into a profoundly banal sitcom world.

In the end, though, all director Sam Weisman (“What’s the Worst That Could Happen”) and company can do to generate laughs is parade a cavalcade of past child stars across the screen and hope for the best. But, he, Spade and Wolf even screw that up. During an ingeniously set up poker game between Dickie and real-life child stars Barry Williams (Greg Brady in “The Brady Bunch”), Leif Garrett (70’s teen idol and lead singer of rock band F8), Corey Feldman (“The Goonies”), Dustin Diamond (Screech on “Saved By the Bell”) and Danny Bonaduce (Danny Partridge on “The Partridge Family”), the stage is ripe for a wickedly furious look at the pitfalls of suddenly absent fame. Instead, all we get is a pithy mope session where the best the group can do is rag on current celebrities like Brad Pitt. In a scenario so ripe for comedy and pathos, this is the best Spade and cohorts can come up with?

Leave it to Maureen McCormick – Marcia Brady for those not truly in the know – to get the biggest laugh of the night. Maybe younger sister Jan had it right all along, it is always Marcia that gets the most attention. At least she deserves it, which is far more than I can say for Spade and his movie. As films that might-have-been are concerned, “Dickie Roberts” rates right up there with the best of them, finishing only as another disappointment in a 2003 littered with them.

Rating: êê   (out of 4)

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