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MOVIE REVIEW
Kangaroo Jack
(2003) Starring:
Jerry O'Connell, Anthony Anderson
Director:
David McNally
Rating: PG
Studio:
Warner Bros.
Review
Posted: 1.18.03
Spoilers:
None
By
Sara Michelle Fetters.
"Kangaroo
Jack a Bad Bounce"
Ah,
January. You can almost hear studio executives giggling in their
back rooms when thinking of the films they release during the
first month of the year. Typically, January is the dumping
ground for all the movies deemed unfit to show during every
other month of the year. Yet, if they have savvy marketing
behind them, these dismal duds can still make a pretty penny for
their studios before being quickly shuttled off to video. Those
studio heads must love that.
At least
someone is because I certainly am not. January films are the
comeuppance all film critics must suffer for the treasures
thrown at them during November and December. Seeing that 2002’s
holiday slate was one of the richest in memory, something tells
me I’m in for 31 days of pain like no other.
Certainly
the beyond insipid Kangaroo Jack is a prime example. This
isn’t so much a movie as it is an endurance test; one, I might
add, I almost lost. Luckily, the popcorn was uncommonly good the
day I saw it and the movie only a ponderous eighty-minutes or
so. Sometimes, life is all about the popcorn and the diet soda.
This was one of those days.
But back
to Kangaroo Jack for a moment, this is a movie review
after all. In case you care – and I certainly hope you don’t –
Kangaroo Jack revolves around two best friends, Charlie
(O’Connell) and Louis, (Anderson) who inadvertently tip off
Brooklyn police to a large cache of stolen funds held by
Charlie’s Mafia stepdad Sal (Christopher Walken). As penitence
for this mistake the mob send the two all the way to Australia
to deliver $50,000 to a mysterious Mr. Smith. Once this deed is
done the duo will be forgiven, their mistake forgotten by
everyone.
If only it
were that simple. Now, I didn’t know this but it appears that
there are numerous CGI kangaroos bouncing around the Outback
looking to be mischievous. One in particular soon hops away with
the inept pair’s money. With the chase firmly on, this
computer-generated monstrosity outwits the dimwits at every turn
and with crazy drunken helicopter pilots, wild dingoes and
flatulent camels complicating matters at every turn all seems
hopelessly lost.
"Hopeless"
is a good word for it all. Not only is Kangaroo Jack not
even remotely funny, its title character is hardly ever on
screen. Granted, this kangaroo is more cartoonish than Stuart
Little and rendered with little to no care at all, making his
absence more of a blessing than a curse. With that said, what
little energy the film has it gets from Jack, however, since
Jack is hardly around only made me focus more on how awful
everything else about the movie really was.
Once upon
a time I would have sworn that O’Connell was going to make a
fine actor. So good as a child in Stand By Me it is hard
to imagine he would become the prince of blandness on screen.
But with turns so transparent he was almost invisible in
Scream 2,
Tomcats
and
Mission to Mars that sure looked to be the case. Now
with his performance here I’m sure it’s official. Not only is
O’Connell the dullest actor in Hollywood, he somehow makes badly
animated kangaroos look good in comparison. This is not exactly
something to be proud of.
The rest
of the cast fares no better. Walken sleepwalks through his role
– I’m guessing producer Jerry Bruckheimer must have had
something embarrassing on the actor that coerced him to appear –
and Anderson (Barbershop) once more proves he’s good at
being loud, obnoxious and nothing else. Estalla Warren – a
former model last seen posing her way through Planet of the
Apes – makes for decent eye candy for the
just-hitting-puberty set, but as a wildlife scientist that comes
to Charlie and Louis’ aid, "believable" is not the first word
that comes to mind. In fact, the only adjective I could come up
with to describe her was "cardboard." Then I remembered all of
the headaches those cardboard boxes gave me during Christmas
while wrapping presents and realized it might be too colorful an
adjective for the nondescript actress.
I should
point out that the children in the audience – at least those
kids under ten – were completely enraptured with this movie.
They especially loved the camels. That could be the problem; at
twenty-six maybe I just can’t appreciate a good defecating camel
anymore. All I can say to that is, thank goodness! If I thought
for a moment that I could ever think such things were funny I
don’t know what I would do. I guess I could become a studio
publicist for films released in January, but that would be even
more painful than another screening of Kangaroo Jack.
Film Rating: 1 out of 4 |
Read the DVD Review!
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