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 Musketeer,
The (2001) Starring:
Justin Chambers, Tim Roth, Mena Suvari
Director: Peter Hyams
Rating: PG-13
Studio:
Universal
Review
Posted: 11.3.01
Spoilers:
Minor
Rating: 1/4
By
Craig Younkin.
"The
Musketeer" is fight choreographer Xin Xin Xiong's
loosely based martial arts re-telling of Alexandre Dumas'
"The Three Musketeers". The film stars Justin
Chambers, probably best known for his recent work in "The
Wedding Planner", in the title role of D'Artagnan, a 17th
century
French peasant who travels to become one of the King's
musketeers as well as to track down his parent's killer.
But upon reaching the city, D'Artagnan learns that the
musketeers have disbanded due to the fact that their
leader, played by Michael O'Byrne, is being held captive by
Cardinal Richelieu, played by Stephen Rea, for murder. But the
actual murderer here is Richelieu's right hand man Febre, played
by Tim Roth, who has been hired to make the King look
incompetent so Richelieu can take over. Of course "D'Artagnan
has to stop them, and to help him do so, he enlists the services
of Francesca, played by Mena Suvari, a chambermaid for the queen
who becomes his ears inside the castle and his love interest
out. He also hooks up with Porthos, played by Steve Speirs,
Athos, played by Jan Gregor Kremp, and Aramis, played by Nick
Moran, who help him fight Febre.
"The Musketeer" seemed like a good idea but this movie
is so lifeless that the only thing really spectacular about it
is that it was made in the first place. I can only remember one
improbable, but still entertaining, fight sequence where Roth
and Chambers fight in a wine
room filled with ladders.
The rest of the film is shot from far distances and seems
completely devoid of danger and excitement. We also have to
suffer through utterly awful dialogue. Characters constantly
make terrible jokes and babble
on and on about dull things we could really care less
about, and Chambers is absolutely gut busting when he
tells his half-dead horse, "I'll come back for you".
Imagining him carrying a horse to safety was all I could think
about for the rest of the movie after that point.
Finally the actors must have graduated from the Bob
Saget school of acting because they suck largely, and
when I say suck largely, I mean every season of Full
House combined. Chambers isn't just un- heroic,
un-French, and un-likable, he also looks as dense as a
Gap model. And if Mena Suvari ever starred in a movie
before, it's impossible to tell from this movie, since
she radiates inexperience from start to finish.
Someone I really felt sorry for in this film was Tim
Roth, who plays villains too well to be saddled with
such a one-dimensional character in a script this
horrid. "The Musketeer" is not only lifeless, but it's
definitely going down as one of my worst of the year.
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