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 One,
The (2001) Starring:
Jet Li, Delroy Lindo, Carla Gugino, J. Statham
Director: James Wong
Rating: PG-13
Studio:
Columbia
Review
Posted: 11.8.01
Spoilers:
Minor
Rating: 2/10
By
Kevin.
When
you were a kid, did you ever watch the mentally challenged kids
in your school in the hallways, at lunch, or on their small bus?
The sight was very peculiar. It was entertaining because they
acted so much different.
They
were so close to being equal in mannerisms, behavior, and
intelligence to their peers, but due to some unfortunate
chemical unbalance in their brains, they were just different
enough that all the other students couldn't not watch them. They
had a strange animal magnetism in the way they didn't fit in,
and the only reason you kept watching was out of pure curiosity
to see what happened next. You laughed at their odd behaviors
and speech.
But,
under it all, you always felt a sense of shame. It didn't feel
right to be watching this sad display. They were a result of
nature, and it isn't their fault they don't fit in. They want to
be "normal" so bad it hurts, and you know it, but they
just can never stand amongst their peers and not stick out like
a sore thumb.
Neither
can the new Jet Li movie, "The One."
Written
by James Wong and Glen Morgan, who previously wrote the guilty
pleasure teen scare flick, "Final Destination," the
film plays out with a feeling of rushed indifference. The movie
doesn't even care about its own plot. It's just flying through
scene after scene of "story" to get to the action
scenes.
Said
story goes a little like this: there is not one universe, but a
"multiverse," several universes in which countless
versions of you live. Every time one of you dies in an alternate
universe, every other version of you in every other universe
will absorb the energy of that dead you. But in one version of
the universe, a futuristic, high tech, universe complete with
really loud flashy guns, we have discovered how to travel
between universes. You hold on to a CGI calculator, and break up
into a bunch of chunks, fly into the sky, then reassemble in the
new universe. All of this is explained in a horrifyingly cheesy
voice-over CGI sequence in the opening of the film.
Now,
as for the film, itself, I'll start with the actors. The
acting is all around horrendous. Carla Gugino doesn't seem
human as Li's wife (I'm sorry, I'm not against interracial
marriages, but the Asian and the Latino marriage in this is
faker than a bucket of KFC). Li is horrid, just plain
awful. His evil self is nothing new to film, enemy wise,
just a bunch of horrible villain stereotypes rolled into one;
and as the do-gooder good version, ugh. Nauseating.
Jason
"Snatch" Statham is miscast
(he belongs in a good movie), and Delroy Lindo is just plain
boring as the cop supporting-character that he is always
typecast as. All good actors who don't belong in this shithole.
To give you an idea of how small this movie is, think about
this: those are the central characters. Everyone else is
limited to about three lines and inclusion in maybe two scenes
tops.
Although
the action scenes are at times amazing, there are points when
you find yourself watching the crap acting mixed with crap
writing and crap directing all rolled into one; where the action
is mediocre at best and the entire audience is just waiting for
another CGI move. The action scenes are also far too short.
Last
of all, this movie feels like it is an abortion; what was once a
cool, unique screenplay was most likely trashed in order for a
rush movie that the producers could get out fast, hoping to make
a big profit. The entire movie clocks in barely over 80 minutes
long. That's shorter than your average Disney film, not
nearly long enough for an action film to have good action
scenes, character development, and/or plot development. This
movie blows.
To
leave you on a corny note, if you are looking for a movie to
avoid at all costs, this is "the one."
Other than Thirteen Ghosts.
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