Perfect Man a Passing Fancy

A movie like “The Perfect Man” is not one to see fresh off spending 25-days taking in an international film festival. A glorified sitcom masquerading as a feature, no amount of amusing banter or pleasing eye candy (thank you “Sex and the City” star Chris Noth) can mask the fact the latest ‘tween girl romantic fantasy from Disney castaway Hilary Duff can’t help but pale when put up against some of the most eclectically original works the world has to offer. Granted, this comparison is amazingly unfair, a movie like this not made to be measured against the latest from Wong Kar Wai or Gus Van Sant. But, be that as it may, this little romantic comedy can’t help fail, a passing fancy for those with even the most undiscriminating tastes.

Duff stars as Holly Hamlin, a 16-year-old high school student whose single mom Jean (Heather Locklear) is amazingly pathetic where it comes to romance. A splendid parent for the most part, this erstwhile baker has the nasty habit of picking up her two children and moving to a new hometown each time a relationship comes to an end. Now setting up residence in Brooklyn, Holly is through with her mother’s pathetic attempts at dating and is ready to plant some roots in her new community. But when Jean starts getting romantic with an ‘80’s hair band-loving co-worker, Holly’s got to come up with a way to set her mom up with the perfect man but quick or it’s back to the packing boxes and the call of the open road once more.

With the help of new school friends Amy (Vanessa Lengies) and Adam (Ben Feldman), the trio will systematically construct a secret admirer for Holly’s mom to fall in love with. Using Amy’s restaurant owner uncle Ben (Noth) as a model, their creation will indeed by the perfect man, a beautiful enigma intoxicating enough to convince Jean to plant her own roots so when the end finally comes she’ll be too intertwined within her new life to even consider leaving. But when it starts looking as if this ingenious charade could break her mother’s heart for good, Holly has to rethink the lies she’s spun and wonders if the good accomplished has come at a cost more devastating than any she can possibly comprehend.

In all fairness, “The Perfect Man” is nowhere near as terrible as my earlier comments might lead one to believe. Actually, both Noth and Locklear are charming, each shedding their television personas with surprising ease. Feldman is a fine romantic interest for Duff, while I couldn’t help but be taken with newcomer Aria Wallace, the child simply delightful as Holly’s spelling-obsessed little sister Zoe. It’s a winning supporting cast (even if poor Lengies is completely forgotten for the final third), and if this movie had just a tad more meat on its bones it might have been enough to makes things worthwhile.

No, the movie is not terrible, it’s just amazingly forgettable. The cause there can be traced directly to Gina Wenkos’ remarkable tired screenplay and Mark Rosman’s rather pedestrian direction. Both are coming off of dogs, the former partly responsible for inflicting “The Princess Diaries 2” upon the world while the later directed Duff’s last summer misfire “A Cinderella Story.” Nothing they do here erases that stench. Wenkos’ script is bland and tiresome, much of it spending far too much time communicating things to the audience via instant messenger. As for Rosman’s direction, it’s just perfectly fine until the one-hour mark. At that point, “The Perfect Man” suddenly loses its easy-going personality and starts drowning in melodramatic self-importance, lurching through its final third like a snail on its way to a dinner date.

There are one or two others things here that don’t fit. An act of playful desperation meant to be humorous is so heinous it could have actually resulted in the closing of Ben’s popular restaurant, while scenes of Holly romancing Jean via email and messenger are just plain creepy. I’m probably being harsh, but these moments do not work for me, erasing any of the good will I might have felt for picture’s initial two-thirds with all the finesse of a backhand slap to the face.

Not much of this will matter to Duff’s legion of teenage fans. While admittedly limited as an actress, and absolutely unable to take chances like her Disney rival Lindsay “Mean Girls” Lohan, she’s still a bubbly performer oozing in both charm and likeability. But even with a remarkably palatable (and even a wee bit funny) cameo by the most annoying member of the Fab Five, Carson Kressley, "The Perfect Man” is still nothing to write home about. Even as a mid-afternoon DVD rental, this is one date worth taking a pass on.

Film Rating: êê  (out of 4)