Disney’s 2001
surprise hit “The Princess Diaries” was a perfectly pleasant
adaptation of an immensely popular book by writer Meg Cabot. Most of
its charm grew from two distinct factors: The beguiling debut of star
Anne Hathaway, a complete charmer and one of the brightest young stars
to hit screens this millennium. The second was the presence of Julie
Andrews, deftly morphing from Eliza Doolittle to Henry Higgins right
before out very eyes.
Not a great
movie by any stretch of the imagination, but still successful with
wonderful performances by each of the two actresses. It left a smile
on my face and made me recall my dreams as a youngster of being a
princess; a fairy tale fable that – while no classic – still managed
to charm the pants right off of me and sent this critic scurrying to
find a new Ball Gown.
I’d like to
say much the same thing about “The Princess Diaries 2: Royal
Engagement.” I’d like to say that Miss Andrews is every bit as
effervescent as she was in the original, that blossoming star Hathaway
strikes just the same chord of charisma and enchantment. I’d like to,
but than that would be lying, and if I’ve ever learned anything from
Disney it is that lying is wrong.
The truth is
that “The Princess Diaries 2” to is tantamount to a royal bore and
about as captivating as watching a flea circus. And while the two
beautiful stars at the center of the story are just as bewitching as
ever, the film surrounding them is such a waste of energy, talent and
time all I could do was feel sorry for the both of them for having to
endure it.
Not that
everything in this train wreck of a motion picture is a waste of time.
Any movie that graces us with the inestimable singing talents of Julie
Andrews – a bit scratchy since her vocal surgery, but still as
luminous as ever – isn’t a total loss. The moment she opens her mouth
and the speak-sung melodies come flowing forth is a moment to
treasure, and forgive me if I might have a shed a tear or two in honor
of the event. But just as fast as this marvelous hymn begins, it is
just as quickly ruined by Disney’s insistence on pairing her with
their latest manufactured talent, the star of “She’s So Raven” (and
former “Cosby Show” cutie) Raven. It’s distracting and pointless, and
what should have been a quiet connection between Julie’s Queen
Clarisse and Hathaway’s Princess Mia is obtusely turned into a noxious
wasted opportunity.
As for the
story, from all looks of things onscreen, it is as if writers Gina
Wendkos and Shonda Rhimes made it up before each day of filming. Set
five years after events in the first film, Princess Mia discovers she
must wed within thirty days or lose the throne of Genovia forever. Not
wanting the country to fall into the hands of the Machiavellian
Viscount Mabrey’s (John Rhys-Davies, a long way from “The Lord of the
Rings”) obnoxious nephew Sir Nicholas (Chris Pine), Mia rushes
headlong into an arranged marriage knowing full well she does not love
her intended.
In all
fairness, this isn’t a bad idea for a girl-empowering fairy tale story
of love, sacrifice and family. But the writers don’t do a thing with
it beyond the painfully obvious, and director Gary Marshall (he of
“Pretty Woman” and “Raining Helen” fame) shows as much interest in the
material as a baker eyeing two week-old banana bread. Scenes are
disjointed, stopping and starting for no apparent reason, and it is
all edited so haphazardly you’d be forgiven for thinking someone must
have taken a chainsaw to the negative.
What’s worse,
central characters from the first film, contributors like Hector
Elizondo, Heather Matarazzo and Caroline Goodall, whom made the
original click so ebulliently are given the short shrift this time. Of
them all, only Elizondo is given anything of note to do, and even his
scenes are perfunctory at best. Only a heartfelt dance with Andrews
rises above the maudlin, a small delight which can only be attributed
to immeasurable chemistry of the actors and not to any skill on the
parts of the filmmakers.
Sure, the little
girl inside of me still found things to revel in. From Hathaway’s
winning smile to Pine’s rugged good looks to Andrews simple perfection
to Gary Jones’ sumptuous costumes (Mia’s red homecoming dress is to
die for, and her pink pastels are a girly-girl’s dream come true), I
wasn’t completely let down. But so much is wrong (the Genovian sets
look like they were filmed at Epcot Center), so little clicks (Pine
and Hathaway have zero chemistry) and so much is just plain insipid
any good will I can muster up on final analysis is too little too
late. Sure, legions of little girls are going to make “The Princess
Diaries 2” a smash, but that doesn’t mean it still isn’t a royal
disaster.
