Apocalyptic Only Good Word for Second "Resident Evil"

How quickly things change. “Resident Evil” Apocalypse” is terrible, free of any of the guileless charm or B-movie cheekiness that made the original such a repulsive joy. Even with Anderson back writing this sequel (but not directing – he went off to make “Alien vs. Predator” instead of this follow-up), this picture is a total hack job made by soulless monsters whose only eye is on the bottom line. What’s truly frightening is that these filmmakers are going to do just fine, assured of such a robust opening weekend that a third chapter is almost a forgone conclusion.

Picking up just a few months after the events in the previous film, “Apocalypse” begins with the citizens of Raccoon City under siege by legions of the undead. The ominous Umbrella Corporation, whose only care for the citizenry is to evacuate key scientists important to their research, seals the only exit out of the city locking innocent bystander and infected flesh-eating zombie together in an unholy melting pot of kill or be eaten. Amongst those left fighting for survival are the video game’s lead heroine Jill Valentine (“Troy” babe Sienna Guillory, all tough talk and skimpy halter tops and nothing else), reporter Terri Moralez (Sandrine Holt), small-time hood L.J. (Mike Epps) and Umbrella Special Forces agent Carlos Olivera (Oded Fehr of “The Mummy” movies). Together, they band together to find the lost daughter of Umbrella scientist Dr. Ashford (Jared Harris), her rescue the key to their escaping the city before the corporation drops a nuclear bomb to sanitize the outbreak.

In this quest, they are aided by the only living survivor of The Hive disaster, curvaceous special agent Alice (Milla Jovovich). The victim of Umbrella scientists herself, Alice may not be as human as she appears, full of feats of strength and daring do beyond human ability. Good thing, for the corporation has also decided to test out their newest viral weapon in Raccoon City, a demonic mass simply known as Nemesis who may or may not be Matt, fellow survivor of The Hive who found himself under the knife of Umbrella scientists.

Too be completely fair, not everything about “Apocalypse” is abysmal. New director Alexander Witt actually stages a scene or two of perverse power and excitement, most dealing with the various gruesome demises of some of the major characters. Best of the bunch, a gaggle of cannibalistic middle school students ripping apart a character Witt and Anderson do a vary good job of fooling the audience into believing will survive until the final. Also good, the welcome appearance of those bloody and skin-shredded Doberman Pinchers, their dripping growls and gnashing teeth enough to give me goose pimples even in freeze frame. Witt and Anderson also reveal the human identity of the first film’s Red Queen, and even if it is an obvious gag its still worth a slight chuckle.

But that, folks, is it. From obscenely inane moments of super blurry and overly pixilated slow motion to fight sequences so excessively edited the conflict being showcased is inalterably obscured, this is a picture structured and put together so poorly I imagine my old grade school pet rock could have done a better job. Gone is Marilyn Manson and Marco Beltrami's driving techno-infused score, in its place a thunderingly ponderous orchestral track by Jeff Dana, springing to life only in the sequences mentioned above. Even poor Jovovich, teamed so perfectly with Michelle Rodriguez the first time around, is left looking bored and embarrassed, as if the thought of being tied up in more of Luc Besson’s “Fifth Element” bandages more amicable than slogging through this brutish mess.