MOVIE REVIEW

Scary Movie 3  (2003)

Starring: Anna Faris, Anthony Anderson, Charlie Sheen
Director: David Zucker

Rating: PG-13

Studio: Dimension Films

Release Date: 10.24.03

Review Posted: 10.24.03

Spoilers: Minor

By Sara M. Fetters

"Scary Movie 3" Forgets the Laughs – At Least According to Me

For all intents and purposes, I am the wrong person to review “Scary Movie 3.” I’ve never really been a fan of the take-no-prisoners style of comedic filmmaking typified by classics of the genre like “Airplane” and “The Naked Gun.” Too be fair, movies like this are essentially review-proof, how much you enjoy them entirely dependent on how much you laugh. It’s the hit and miss ratio of comedy, meaning, if the ratio of laughable jokes is higher than the number of ones that fail to hit their mark, than you have a successful picture on your hands. If the opposite is true, than all you have is a latter-day National Lampoon laugh-free festival of boredom induction.

In the case of “Scary Movie 3,” Miramax has called in the big guns of just this type of filmmaking to help them resurrect their franchise. Originally, it was the Wayans Brothers, led by eldest Keenan Ivory and written by Shawn and Marlon, who crafted the vulgar and highly venal satire of modern day horror movies like “Scream.” The 2000 original was a box office smash, surprising everyone by being one of the top moneymakers of the year. But the quickly produced sequel was an unmitigated disaster, and Miramax’s newest cash cow was seemingly left for dead.

Calling upon one of the original creators of the genre, “Airplane” maestro – along with friend Jim Abrahams and brother Jerry, also known as the ZAZ team – David Zucker, to breathe fresh life into the series, part three now arrives and I’m almost positive it is going to be a hit. At least, if my friend I took the screening who loves this type of thing is any indication, it sure as heck is going to be. For even if I didn’t really laugh, he sure did, and the rest of the audience followed right along with him, making “Scary Movie 3” a success in almost every eye in the theater save mine.

This time out, Zucker and fellow “Naked Gun” and “Hot Shots” writer Pat Proft (as well as “Senseless” scribe Craig Mazin and an un-credited rewrite by Kevin Smith), take aim at more recent fare like “Signs,” “The Ring” and this summer’s “The Matrix Reloaded.” Anna Faris (“May,” “Lost in Translation”), veteran of the first two “Scary Movie” films, returns as erstwhile put-upon blonde Cindy Campbell. After surviving the slash and laugh attacks of the previous outings, she’s now gone and become a well-respected reporter of a porn and violence obsessed Washington, D.C. television station. After a friend – fellow returning cast mate Regina Hall (“Paid in Full”) – tells her about a strange videotape that kills you seven days after you watch it, Cindy is positive that there must be some connection between it and the mysterious crop circles that have just recently appeared in local farmer’s (Charlie Sheen – veteran of ZAZ-style comedy “Hot Shots”) field. Oh yeah, and according to furtive chain-smoking homemaker Aunt Shaneequa (Queen Latifah, “Chicago”) and her ne’er-do-well boyfriend Orpheus (Eddie Griffin, “Undercover Brother”), she might just be “the One.”

Throw in a paranoid president (Leslie Nielsen, “Spy Hard”), a pair of over-endowed Catholic schoolgirls (Jenny McCarthy, “BASEketball,” and Pamela Anderson, “Barb Wire”), a wannabe battle-rapping farm boy (Simon Rex, “The Forsaken”) and his over-affectionate promoter pal Mahalik (Anthony Anderson, “Cradle 2 the Grave”), the Coors Twins, Simon Cowell of “American Idol,” and even George Carlin as the enigmatic Architect, and “Scary Movie 3” is full enough to burst with comedic talent and possibility. So why didn’t I laugh where everyone else in the audience did? Maybe it was because all the jokes seemed too tired and obvious to me or, even worse, all of them entirely made of build but finished off with nothing resembling a payoff.

Take Carlin’s appearance for example. The moment he steps on screen I was just waiting for some seriously funny riffing on the pseudo-self importance that “The Matrix” movies appear to be drowning in. Instead, all I got was a missed opportunity, the talented comedienne flailing under the weight of Zucker and company’s unfunny dialogue and sexual innuendos. But, at least he fares better than ZAZ champion Neilsen. His president doesn’t even appear to be in the same movie as everyone else, and for the life of me I can’t figure exactly what it is the director is parodying. Is it “The X-Men?” “Independence Day?” “Planet of the Apes?” “Nixon?” Do we even care? If anything, his appearance seems mostly perfunctory; a nod by Zucker to past success.

Granted, with a joke coming out you almost every second, there are some bits that hit me as particularly funny. Most notably, an amusing riff on “The Others” featuring Sheen and a break-dance-fighting Michael Jackson had me near stitches. The movie’s early rap battle between Rex and Fat Joe is also a real hoot, as is the continual pounding of the annoying little psychic boy, perfect for anyone who ever wished to see Haley Joel-Osmet get hit by truck. And, for all the film’s laughless faults, Faris is pitch-perfect, registering a B-movie seriousness that completely fits Zucker’s time-honored style. But it is Sheen who really steals the show, this return to ZAZ comedy invigorating the actor to comedic heights he hasn’t seen in ages.

If only the rest of it were as good as those two. With so much ripe material to work with, I was positive Zucker was at least going to give me a partially good time. Instead, the funniest material must have been left on the cutting room floor (or at least used in the movie’s far funnier trailers), “Scary Movie 3” about as devoid of laughs as a movie like this can possibly get.

But what do I know? I’ve already fully admitted this type of comedy just isn’t my bag. As for my friend – he ate it all up, proudly calling part three the “s**ts and giggles best of the series.” Maybe he’s right, but I sure as heck didn’t see it that way.

Rating: ê1/2  (out of 4)

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