Dumb "Paddle" is Without a Laugh

After the funeral, the group retreats to their old tree house and discovers that their old friend Billy (Anthony Starr) had unearthed the bailing out point of legendary thief D.B. Cooper before his untimely death. In his honor Dan, Jerry and Tom set out into the Oregon/Washington wilderness in hopes of finding Cooper’s resting-place and the money he stole years prior. Along the way they encounter swift rapids, clueless law enforcement officers, redneck marijuana growers, a motherly Black Bear, tree-hugging nature girls and a wily mountain man (Burt Reynolds) with a taste for squirrel.

Ugh. Do I really even have to discuss “Without a Paddle” with a straight face? In what is surely the year’s unfunniest dumb comedy, director Steven Brill (he of “Little Nicky,” “Mr. Deeds” and “Ready to Rumble” infamy) and a cadre of writers have fashioned a movie that puts the LOW in lowest common denominator filmmaking. A shaky combination of “The Big Chill,” “The Goonies,” “Deliverance” and “Apocalypse Now,” this is a film that manages to waste entirely the comedic talents of both Green and Lillard. Not even the “Scooby Doo” movies – for all their banality – could claim that.

But what can you say about any picture where the bear puts in the bet performance and is the most talked about entity in the movie’s own press kit? Sure, moments here and there come close to being of amusement; a rainy group hug in an effort to keep warm, Lillard’s open-mouth reaction at realizing he just asked his girlfriend to marry him, Green’s C-3PO impersonation when things go wrong; but when a pair of stoned Dobermans illicit the biggest laughs there just really isn’t much more to talk about.

Not even a shaggy-eared Reynolds can save things, his performance only enough to remind me of the actor’s far brighter past and wonder where he went wrong. Too many drugs? That failed marriage to Loni Anderson still getting to him? One too many grumpy cop movies? Residual anger left over for not winning that Oscar for “Boogie Nights?” Either way, it doesn’t really matter, for this is a catastrophic comedy, the type you wish they would bury not release, and it is sure bet all involved will be hurrying to remove it from their resume.